Friday, March 30, 2007
The movie Lost in Translation
Every song by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap
And, less frivolously:
Any slogan that says that God hates gay people.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
I took a pair of jeans and cut 'em up, and began sewing them back together in an alternate configuration. If I had a sewing machine (or if I had decided to take up this whim before 10 o'clock), I bet I could have finished it.
Also, I would like to take up sewing someday, mostly because of all the cool stuff they sell in fabric stores. I mean, have you ever looked at how many types of buttons your run-of-the-mill fabric store has? Or how many colors of thread? I hate to think that someday those places and products will become extinct, but really--how many people a day in the whole country can you imagine saying, "Well, I better run down and get some multi-colored flourscent ladybug buttons and some medium-pale chartreuse thread!" But I want there to be a bunch of those people. And if I have to be one to make that happen, so be it.
Friday, March 23, 2007
(I could do a Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight NOT On featuring guys I vehemently dislike, but who wants to gaze at pictures of old fat Republican dudes or crack addicts or Greg Oden or something?)
Anyway, these are guys that I originally intended to feature on Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight, but have since FIRED.
FIRED: Tom Brady
Well, according to the Google News search I just did, Tom Brady is only the father of one pending love child, disagreeing with the reports I'd heard bandied about that each of two hot sort-of-famous chicks was carrying his love child. And you know what they say about love children ("One love child is better than two" [or maybe I made that up, just now]), but still. Tom Brady was more desirable as an All American Boy than he is as America's Baby Daddy In Chief, is what I'm saying. I know that in this day and age, single parenthood is not an earth-shattering deal, and certainly I don't agree with there being any social stigma for said love child (a la the AWESOME Diana Ross and the Supremes song "Love Child" [never meant to be! Love Child! Born in poverty! Love Child! Always second-best! Love Child! Different from the re-e-est!]), but it's still seamy to have gotten with child a woman who isn't even your girlfriend anymore.
And Tom Brady
is too pretty
to be seamy.
But alas . . . seamy he is, and that's why the Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight is NOT on him.
FIRED: Dr. George O'Malley
This is not a gay thing, in case you're wondering. First of all, I have no problem with having gay ridiculous boyfriends and second of all, the actor T.R. Knight was never a boyfriend candidate, the character George O'Malley was. Because he was cute! And sweet! And loveable and kind and funny and nice and a decent, stand-up guy.
But then he got all annoying and whiny.
And then he got all petty and mean-spirited.
And then whoever is running Grey's Anatomy decided it needed to become a caricature of itself and had him get drunk and sleep with his best friend (with whom he's never even had any chemistry) and oh did I mention? He's married. You know what's seamier than fathering a love child? Adultery. You know what's not loveable, kind, funny, nice or decent? Oh! That's right! It's adultery.
Not only is George FIRED, FOREVER as a boyfriend, Grey's Anatomy is dangerously close to getting abandoned by (at least) one of its viewers. That's right, Grey's Anatomy. If you don't shape up, I am going to break up with you. That's not a threat, it's a promise.
Edited to add: There's one thing I don't think I made clear. Sometimes it's OK when a show makes you angry. That means, at least, that you're engaged in it. But the George and Izzie sex thing? Just makes me annoyed. When you just keep having random characters fall into bed with each other as a substitute for plot development, it's not shocking; it's boring. It's nonsense and it's boring. Stop it, Grey's Anatomy. For real.
I'll make up for this soon, I promise.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Edited to add: SWEET SIXTEEN, BABY!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
It's hard to put into words, the allure of Alan Rickman. I mean, he's old (in the context of, you know, dating me) and not handsome in an obvious way. But he's got . . . allure. And charisma. And a cool deep voice.
What's easy to put into words is how good an actor he is, to wit: he's a really, really good actor. Having co-organized (with my sister) an Alan Rickman Film Fest (watching a bunch of Alan Rickman movies with my sister) a couple of summers ago, I know what I'm talking about. There are two obvious distinguishing characteristics of a talented thespian, to my mind.
As Colonel Brandon? Heart-breaking/awesome.
As that snooty guy who has to play an alien in Galaxy Quest? Hilariously awesome.
Consider yourself warned.
Anyway, in conclusion, Alan Rickman = terrific.
Monday, March 12, 2007
The Homestar Runner guys have finally created a shirt starring my favorite character, Senor Cardgage! (If you watch the linked-to email, make sure to click on the words "hanging out" after the paper comes down.)
It costs $19 and, more troublingly, I'd have to get it in a girl medium. I don't know if that would be too roomy--but it's Senor Cardgage!
That is all.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
(Goofus bosses his friends. Gallant asks, "What do you want to do next?"
Goofus takes the last apple. Gallant shares his orange.)
Of course it's Goofus and Gallant! Those guys . . . they taught you some morals, man.
Unfortunately, G & G (as, uh, the cool kids call them) have an updated look. Being square Fifties kids was such a huge part of the appeal! But don't worry, they still have those sweet Fifties morals.
I couldn't find an internet picture to confirm it, but I'm pretty darn sure Gallant hates Commies. Perhaps Goofus . . . is a Commie? A fellow-traveler, perhaps?
(At the department store, Goofus runs on the escalator. Gallant stands still on the escalator as it goes to the second floor.)
Godless Commie or not . . . I think I'd rather hang out with Goofus.
Friday, March 9, 2007
The fictional death of fictional (and not even popular/relevant enough to star in a major motion picture or Kids WB cartoon) Captain America? Really?
This is the biggest non-story since Barbie dumped Ken.
Dear Ann Coulter,
John Edwards wanted me to write and thank you for reminding people that he's in the Democratic race, too. Oh, and so did the Coalition for People Who Want the F-Word to Become the New N-Word. You've been ever so helpful!
P.S. Have you tried letting your natural hair color grow back in? Just food for thought.
Dear the Big XII North,
When did you guys get so lousy at, like, sports? I don't mean to kick you when you're down, since all four of your teams in the first round of the tournament got beat DOWN today, but . . . it's just not fair for all of you to get to play each other so much (I'm looking at your undefeated division record, KU), when the Big XII South has--because they're better than you, frankly--a much tougher time playing amongst themselves.
Step it up, is all I'm saying.
(KU basketball, you're doing a fine job. This doesn't apply to you. Just your football team. . . . You don't need to win the tournament to prove yourselves to me. Really. In fact, take it easy. Really.)
Thursday, March 8, 2007
DVD commentaries are really hit and miss, aren't they? Mostly miss. It's usually boring, with the producer and director droning on about the special effects, possibly the budget, maybe even tellyou about the Foley art for every single sound effect (oh, you KNOW I'm looking at you, Star Wars sound guy!). But occasionally, if you're lucky, the person they pick to do the commentary will be insightful (you know, into what audience members would actually care to hear) and, if really lucky, funny. Last night, I was watching the commentary for the pilot episode of Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, and it featured the executive producer (dumb, self-congratulatory, and boring) and the director (old and boring) and the star, Dean Cain.
Ridiculous Boyfriend Qualifier #1. Dean Cain is funny.
Mostly, it's his goofy delivery, but I'll try to give a couple examples. They show Clark Kent taking off his glasses to disguise himself as Superman for the first time. "And if you don't believe that," supplies Dean Cain, " . . . just don't watch the show." On another commentary, for an episode he wrote (Ridiculous Boyfriend Qualifier #2--he's a writer!) he was talking about how the episode was the first acting job for Denise Richards. Denise exits her scene: "See how she almost ran into that wall there? She'd have no trouble missing that wall now. She's a real pro."
Ridiculous Boyfriend Qualifier #3. Dean Cain is a big ol' sweetie. On one commentary, he talked about how much he loves Christmas, and his family, and his mom . . . so cute. And again, on the pilot commentary, the producer was teasing him about how he was happy to get the job of superman because maybe then he could get a girlfriend. And he says, "Yeah, well now I'm looking for a wife . . ." How has no one applied for that job?! Because . . .
Ridiculous Boyfriend Qualifier #4.
I rest my case.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Friday, March 2, 2007
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Peggy Hill: "I surely am not unfond of you, Peggy, I tell you what." What kind of marriage proposal is that?"
But I think that's something I could live with. On the other hand, if he's a Longhorns fan . . . that could be insurmountable.
Hank: Well, Barbara's a handsome woman.
Hank: Sponsors? You mean like what the drunks have?
Reverend Stroup: Mr. Hill, a celibacy sponsor is like an offensive linesman for the virgin quarterback. The other team is going to be coming on strong. So Luanne needs you to get in there and block, or she might very well get sacked.
Hank: Well, that's not in the Bible, but it should be.
Hank: An all Texas Super Bowl... His will be done.