I Return!

Ahoy!

Sorry about the unannounced hiatus--I wanted to focus more on finishing The Ninja Report (which is what I like to call my thesis to make it sound more exciting--I stole the idea from How I Met Your Mother) than on the ol' blog, but having a Real Job stole my focus from The Ninja Report, leaving the blog a sad and distant third.

By the way, the word "report" just lost all meaning to me. Report report report. It's all just silly sounds now.

Anyway, in my blogging absence, I have been brewing up ideas, and I have an exciting (?) slate planned. In the meantime, I present you with:

Things I've Learned at the Library

1. Books are filthy

You never notice this when you only check out one or two or even ten library books. But when you handle hundreds and hundreds of them in a day, it becomes all too clear. Library books are disgusting. I wash a thin film of dirt off my hands every time I come home from work (even though I wash them several times at work [which not to mention all the hand sanitizer I go through]). I would advise that you think of a library book like you would abut money: after you touch it, it's not like you need to scrub your hands violently before you touch anything else, but don't touch food right afterward either.

2. Putting CDs in an overnight bookdrop is a terrible idea

Although if you have to do it, putting a rubber band around the CD case (or rubber-banding a few together) is a good idea.

3. Actually, putting anything in an overnight bookdrop is a terrible idea

Sure, it has to be done, but . . . oh the carnage. It's just horrifying to see, if you are horrified by covers bent at unseemly angles, pages smashed and creased, and DVD and CD cases hanging open, their discs alone and unprotected who knows where. And what right thinking person wouldn't be?

4. Children are usually very shy

But those that aren't are insufferable. There are, with very few exceptions, only two types of under-twelve library patrons: those that won't say anything, and those that, when you remind them of their due dates (as you do for everyone) rudely respond "I know!" Luckily, the former make up the vast majority.

5. Most people who come to the library are very nice.

Which is a good thing. Although there was this one lady who was complaining (to a co-worker, not to me) that her overdue fines were outrageous and that we shouldn't charge so much because after all, she already pays to support the library with her tax dollars. It's a good thing I wasn't the one she was talking to, because the temptation to point out that she could have just turned her books in on time would have been unbearable.

But like I said, most people aren't like that.