Official Fran Vendetta: Epilogue

Part 1

It was a rainy day. It wasn't one of those days where the rain came down in buckets, but it was pervasively wet. And it should have been miserable, not just because of the weather.

It was October of 2003, my junior year at A&M, and we were well on our way to losing--very badly--to Oklahoma State. I had seen us beat The Lesser Okies my freshman year, on September 22, 2001, though that game was entirely dwarfed by its context. And by t-shirts. I had gone to Stillwater to see us lose the next year (another, much colder rainy day). I had a great time on that, especially when our vocal Aggie minority had fed off of (and, I think, bolstered) a second half revival of our Wrecking Crew.

However, this day . . . this day was a very different loss in the rain. We had already lost four of our seven games that season, and it wasn't going to get any easier. By the beginning of the fourth quarter, fans (including students) were leaving in droves. It's hard to blame even Aggies for leaving when their team is down 31-0.

Nevertheless, many of us stayed, and were treated to 10 pity points and, of course, the usual Kyle Field jumbotron advertisements. When they played the ad--the one with the jubilant voice announcing to us all the slogan that had been blared all season, a variation of which had been plastered even across that year's stadium cups: "The Coach Fran Era Has Arrived!!!"--what could we do but laugh? Cry, I guess. But we laughed instead. We laughed and laughed, there on first deck, sopping wet, ready to wait out the game . . . the season . . . the next four seasons with our Aggies. The Coach Fran Era had arrived, indeed.

Now, the Coach Fran Era Has Ended.

. . . !!!

Part 2

If Fran had coached all his games like he'd coached on Friday, he would still have a job. That was a great game.

Of course, any boneheaded fan would have coached the Ags like Fran did on Friday. "You know what you dudes should do? Like, McGee should throw it and stuff sometimes. Like, sometimes to, you know, Martellus? Cuz like he's good? But, yeah, also, sometimes Steve, you should hand it off. And sometimes you should hand it off to Goodson, cuz he's real fast, but sometimess--a lot, really--you should give it to the J-Train. Totally give it to the J-Train." (But, oh wait, a boneheaded fan would have yanked Syzmanski about a month ago. Whatever. You get my point.) The t.u. game just proved how good this team should have been all year and wasn't because he was holding them back.

But hey, why am I still arguing this case? So many people agree with me, in fact, that Fran does not get to coach the Aggies anymore.

. . . !!!

Part 3

Apparently--and this is, of course, news to me--I tell a lot of grandiose Aggie stories. Is it my fault that we have the largest dining hall in the entire country (second-largest in the world), or that our Dixie Chicken on Northgate sells more beer per square foot than any other bar on Earth, or that our ability of any group of Aggies anywhere to perform unison yells approaches the appearance of mass mind-meld?

No. No it is not.

Yet I am subject to completely unfair mockery by my gentleman caller, such as that in the following exchange:
Gentleman Caller: So, I thought that when Fran got fired, your ring would glow red, and maybe a holograph of Reveille would appear, and he--
me: She.
Gentleman Caller: --she would speak in this commanding voice and tell you that Fran had stepped down. That was what I was expecting. . . . But instead it was a text message from your dad.
me: Which is also magical in its own way.
Gentleman Caller: True.

Part 4

Ah, the future. What a lovely place it might turn out to be. At least now there's hope. Hope is great.

Sadly, the near future is marred by the promise of Gary Darnell coaching the bowl game. Ugh.

As for the more distant future, if you're expecting coach predictions out of this girl, you are going to be disappointed. Due to a perfect storm of Thanksgiving travel, school busyness, and my near-unshakeable faith in Bill Byrne, I haven't been keeping up with coaching rumors or speculation. Bill Byrne has (at least in my imagination) some incredibly complex calculus of proven ability, promising talent, and price tag, and he's using this equation to hone in on somebody who I may or may not have heard of and who may or may not (hopefully may) be awesome.

This is what I think: I don't care if he "shows emotion," I don't care if he has a funny accent, I don't even care if he has pre-existing Aggie ties. I have two demands of The New Coach: 1. don't cheat 2. win. Seriously. Win some games, man. And by "some" I don't mean 5.5 a year. Give us a shot at some division/conference titles, and you and I will get along.

Gig 'em, New Coach. And gig 'em Aggies.

. . . !!!!!

Click here to read more . . .

Official Fran Vendetta & Related Miscellany

Well, I guess I jumped the gun. I suppose I was just overly optimistic that'd we would hear real news about the eagerly anticipated Fran firing. Can you blame me? (After all, it is a consummation devoutly to be wished.) I should have held fast to my knowledge that my homeboy Bill Byrne will, like he said he would, give his pronouncement after the season is over.

I just hope that the season is "over" on the day after the day after Thanksgiving, and not after the eBay Minimum Wins Bowl in Pityville, Mississippi. I think it probably will be sooner rather than later, but I do wonder who would coach us in the bowl we will be going to (thanks, bulk of the Big XII North, for continuing to be even worse than us!)

I am surprised that Bill Callahan has lasted this long. I really thought they were ready to pull the trigger there. Way to restrain yourself, Tom Osbourne. (Well, I guess "restraint" is a relative term here.)

It's a little funny that the first Big XII hot-seat coach to go was the one nobody cared enough about to remember to put him on the hot seat list. (Keep your spirits up, Baylor! Maybe people will notice you, someday.)

And, as a final football note, in this season of shocks and surprises, perhaps nothing has taken me aback as far as the fact that . . . I was rooting for Tech last night. Apparently, my drive to root for the underdog is very, very powerful. Also, it helps that I'm totally on the KU bandwagon, so--take that, Land Thieves!

But, to return to the main point, I'd like to start a countdown to the Great Fran Firing of 2007, but I can't decide how optimistic to be. I'd like to think it'll come on the 24th, but it might be a Lloyd Carr-style wait until the business week actually starts. How about this: we're at T-6 days if the Ags run out of time to t.u., T-8 if the Ags Beat The Hell Outta t.u.

Good? Good.

Click here to read more . . .

Official Fran Vendetta: Day the Last?

There have been all kinds of reports stewing today on the internet, and on ESPN itself (see video below), and here's a good summary/the latest report:

"A&M officials plan to seek a buyout agreement with Franchione, but athletic department and administration sources, while confirming plans to change coaches, say it's not clear how far those negotiations have gone."

Of course, when a story contains a quote like "Because of the sensitive nature of the situation, the sources have requested anonymity," I think you have to keep waiting for the other shoe--the official shoe--to drop.

Don't worry, I'll be monitoring the situation closely. Any official reports will be reported, and then jubilantly celebrated, here.

Click here to read more . . .

Official Fran Vendetta: Day 43

Well, I told myself I was going to stop posting so much about Fran. (I mean, he's basically a dead man walking, right? Right???) But I had to write an email to a guy who works at the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, and since I already put the work in anyway, I decided I'd share.

Here is his stupid article. (It's so stupid.)

And here is my response:

Hi Gil,

I've never written a letter to a newspaper writer before, but your article today has moved me to say--are you kidding me?

The idea that Aggies shouldn't be rooting for our team to lose today is fair enough. No coaching, no matter how poor, is enough reason to root against the team. As all of us know, they're good kids with heart, guts, moxie . . . why, every adjective in the moxie family.

But to suggest that those of us who want Franchione fired are only basing that on the fact that he hasn't won a national championship is preposterous. To think that we are furious at his performance as A&M's coach because he hasn't beaten top ten opponents on the road is frankly insulting. We want him fired not just because he's had too many losses, but too many humiliating losses. Too many losses that are the direct result of his piss poor playcalling. Too many losses because he can't develop talent in promising players or capitalize on the players that are already, by the grace of God, well developed.

Why do you expect us to be happy with the Cotton Bowl in 2004 and the Holiday Bowl in 2006 when he lost both of those games by more than four touchdowns? Why do you expect us to be hunky-dory with three losses to Texas because of one win against them in one of the worst played games (by both sides) in college football history? Do you honestly expect that we should forgive and forget the numerous blowout losses and the too-close wins over far inferior teams because at some point, ever, we had kind of a comparable record to Texas? Do you really think that we should ignore the five lousy-to-middling seasons he's had at A&M because he somehow managed to pull off being decent in the short run at TCU and Alabama?

If, somehow, the Aggies win tonight, I'll be delighted. However, I will not take it to mean that Dennis Franchione has suddenly become a great coach. I've been watching the man's performance for five years, and he is not. He's not even a good coach; he's mediocre at best. While I don't expect the Ags to win the national title every year--or the Big XII title--or even the Big XII South title--my university and my team deserve better than that.

Gig 'em,
Rachel Campbell Click here to read more . . .

I KNOW!

I'll admit it--I'm a Monica.

I'm not free-spirited enough to be a Phoebe; I'm not a boy-crazy daddy's girl like Rachel. But more importanty, I am a bit compulsive, a little too prone to perfectionism (you don't even want to know how long it takes me to compose these posts), all about the babies, and unfortunately, too hung up on winning and being right. I know, more than Monica seems to most of the time, that's it's pretty insufferable for the people around you if you too often trumpet your own rightness.

Still, on some occasions, I can't help but say it.

Because you know what?

I was right.

I can say that it's Day 38 of my vendetta, but in actuality, I've been shaking my head in disbelief at the people on the FranWagon since I watched the news conference that was held the day he was hired at Texas A&M.

I was right on that morning of December 5th, 2002, that the man was classless and no good.

I was right all through the nightmare of the 2003 season that he was a terrible coach.

People kept saying that it was that he didn't have his players yet. R.C. Slocum had "left the cupboard bare"; Fran needed guys who were on board with "his system."

Then it became that one recruiting class, two recruiting classes, wasn't enough. It had to be all of them. Any player so much as looked at by R.C. Slocum had to graduate. Then it would finally be Fran's year. I didn't believe them.

Those people were wrong.

I was right.

We were supposedly turning a corner in 2004. We . . . at least got to a bowl game. But we were promised somebody who might give us one bad year, followed by a really really good one--not an OK one. I didn't think he deserved an extremely lucrative contract extension.

Bill Byrne was wrong.

I was right.

Thanks to yet another mediocre season (which, natch, I saw coming), on top of which has been thrown this whole stupid VIP Connection thing (admittedly, not as obvious to predict), now everybody sees it. The media keeps telling me that Fran should be fired.

Gee, really?

Despite my being Monica, I wish I had been wrong. Five years of mediocre football for a school whose students, alumni, and fans take such pride in their traditions and love their football so desperately--that isn't worth it to save me from being wrong. I would have LOVED to have been wrong.

But I was right.

Click here to read more . . .

Current Nemesis List

My nemeses, as of 10/19/2007:

Sean Cunningham (because he wrote a new biography of Henry VII before I got to, that's why)

That really incompetent, super-stupid guy who works at the circulation desk of my library

Jane Fonda

Coach Fran

Brent Musburger

Shonda Rimes Click here to read more . . .

Official Fran Vendetta: Day 8

I decided to write my main man, Bill Byrne, another letter today. Why? Because of this.

Cliff's notes for that link: Fran has just stopped sending out a newsletter to certain highly-placed boosters willing to pony up $1,200 a year for information.

What information, you ask? Why, injury reports (Fran always says that he doesn't discuss injuries unless they're season-ending) and frank evaluations of his players. For instance, the writer of his letter (the same athletic department employee who ghostwrites Bill Byrne's Wednesday Weeklies, actually) put in one edition: "Privately, Coach told me last night that Earvin (Taylor) and Pierre (Brown) are very steady but with average speed," McKenzie wrote. "Kerry (Franks) has great speed, but (is) inconsistent in receiving."

Now, this is true. It is in fact what I say about Kerry Franks, except I use the word "butterfingers." But this brings us to Problem 1: how is this going to affect locker room dynamics? How are the players going to like it that their coach has been, well, talking about them behind their backs? For cash?

That brings us to Problem 2--the greater of the problems, and the one I discussed in my letter to Bill Byrne--where is this money going? According to the story, it's funding CoachFran.com (link not provided out of spite), which is admittedly not the world's most nefarious purpose. But the point is that Fran is selling information about Aggie student-athletes (the term I suck-uppily used in my letter) and profiting from it. How is the information his to sell?

I don't know how big this story is going to turn out to be. I don't know whether Fran has violated any actual rules, or how angry anybody that matters (e.g. University bigwigs, Stevie McGee) is about this. However, I do know what I told my friend Bill: "I've never been a Fran fan. But even if he were Bob Stoops or Urban Meyer, I would raise at least one eyebrow about this."

What do you guys think? Click here to read more . . .

Official Fran Vendetta: Day 3

It's hard to root against a coach of the team you're rooting for. On the one hand, of course you want your team to win. What kind of monster would you be if you didn't? On the other hand, the more your coach loses, the more quickly he'll be fired, which will be better for your team in the long run. But, back on the first hand, if your coach is winning, then why does he need to be fired at all? So it's a dilemma, especially when your coach isn't ludicrously, jaw-droppingly awful, but just bad enough to keep your team mired in mediocrity. Beating the little teams and losing ridiculously to the big teams (maybe only allowing an upset as often as he actually pulls an upset) isn't bad enough to get dumped immediately, but it's not good enough to be, you know, good.

What I'm getting at is that I don't know how I want my Ags to perform this season. Obviously, I should be really happy if they somehow, say, run the table in the Big XII and get to a good bowl game and somehow not BOMB in it. But I just don't think that's possible. I might be able to squeeze a bit of malicious glee out of it, and look forward to the relief that the Canning of Fran would bring, if we drop every (or almost every) game in conference and fail to reach bowl eligibility for the third time in five years. But I neither want that to nor think that will happen, either.

How will we do? Here are my not-particularly-educated guesses:

Baylor: win, although I'm not going to bet the farm on it. Maybe a small chicken, though. But it could be close, as our last three matchups with Baylor have been.

Oke State: win. I'm more ambivalent here, because it's hard to know how those krazy kowboys will do one week to the next. They're an up-and-down team, and since they're up now, my guess is they'll be down at Kyle Field.

Stupid Texas Tech: Forget everything I said in the first few paragraphs; no consideration on this earth will ever, ever, make me think that losing to Tech is ok. That said . . . we'll probably lose. It's in Lubbock and we can't defend the pass. And we can't pass. It would be a shootout, if only we could shoot. Dangit.

Nebraska: lose again, unless Nebraska proves to be a house of cards. At this point, it looks possible. However, it's in Lincoln, and not being able to hang with USC doesn't mean they can't beat us. (That near loss to Ball State, though . . . .) On th other hand, because the Big XII North is terrible (seriously, you guys, what's your problem?!) and because Fran has to give us a glimmer of false hope (I think it's in his contract), maybe we will win.

Kansas: I don't think anybody has the information to predict the outcome of Kansas' conference schedule. They've been murdering cupcakes (in the grand snacktime tradition of Mark Mangino, I'm sure). What does that mean? Who knows? It's at home, but that didn't always work in our advantage last year. So I'm going to say: if we beat Nebraska the week before, we come in this game on a high and crash. Lose. If we lose to Nebraska the week before, we'll be desperate for a win and get it. Win.

So, with NU and KU combined, 1-1.

Oklahoma: The only question is going to be how bad we lose.

Missouri: Again, the north is bad. As usual, I think Mizzou will collapse, defying high expectations yet again. Still, it's at their place, and they may be mad about us beating them last year. Lose.

t.u.: They're not that good--by their standards. We're at Kyle--but they won't be happy about last year in Austin. Even the Fran-wants-to-make-my-head-explode-by-evading-firing-by-beating-texas mojo won't pull it out this year, and we will lose.

So, I see the Ags going 3-5 in conference, for a 6-6 record overall. Depending on how the rest of the conference does, maybe good enough for the My Mom Said I Could Have Some People Over So I Invited a Couple Teams to Play in My Backyard Bowl.

Good enough for Fran to keep his job? I hope not. Click here to read more . . .

Official Fran Vendetta: Day 2

I signed the Fire Fran Petition probably over a year ago, and today they sent me an email, urging me to invite all my friends, neighbors, co-workers, loved ones, pets, acquaintances, former pen pals, and people I see on the street to sign it as well.

In lieu of all that forwarding, I give you the link: http://www.firefranpetition.com/

And you'll find this video there, but it's too funny for me not to post it here.

Click here to read more . . .