Blogging Live from the Airport!

Greetings from Kansas City! I'm on my way home for my sister's graduation from K-State, and I'm in the homestretch of a six-hour layover. I sure wish this was the longest layover I've ever had, but . . . no. So, since there is free wireless at Kansas City International Airport, and that fascinates me, I thought I'd share some of my air travel observations.

Can anything compare to stewardess hair?

(I actually usually do say "flight attendant," but "stewardess" had a better rhythm there.)

The flight attendant on my trip from Madison to Kansas City had hair that I found a little astonishing. I drew a sketch of it, and have done my best to replicate that in MS Paint for your edification:
I don't know if that gets the point across at all--it was like an overdone short hairstyle that you would expect an overly made-up flight attendant to have, but then, for some reason, there was also a ponytail. A side ponytail. Basically, it was the fanciest mullet I've ever seen.

Mennonite on a cell phone!

I just saw a Mennonite with a cell phone, y'all. She may even have been texting. Is that allowed?

In the event of a water landing

you can use your seat cushion as a flotation device. Honest question here: how often does this happen? Of all the crashes there are--which I know isn't a big number to begin with--how many are both 1) survivable and 2) into water? I don't think I've ever heard of this happening. If I'm correct that it never/almost never happens, isn't the whole flotation device thing a pretty useless comfort? Is it like, "Your seat back table has been coated with wolverine repellant, in the event of wolverine attack" ?

Anger

Here is a given about my life: if I am in an airport, then I went to bed too late and I got up too early and I've been frazzled about the whole airport ordeal for at least the past 24 hours. On top of this, everyone who goes to the airport has to deal with the time schedules that are rigid for them, yet apparently optional for the airlines; they have to do that whole ridiculous shoe thing (Come on. One moron tried to do that ever and it didn't even work. Why do all the rest of us have to take off our shoes until the end of time because of that? All I can say is, I'm going to be mad if some misguided young woman becomes, say, the Bra Bomber). It's not good times. It's angry times.

Additionally, the Kansas City airport is--apart from the free wireless internet--the WORST. AIRPORT. EVER. (OK, I know this isn't true. I bet the, like, Bogota airport is way worse. KCI is just the worst airport I've ever been to.) It has 30 gates, so it's not a small airport, yet there is not one single restaurant that purveys edible food. There's a Quiznos, and it's awful. I had a sandwich there last time I was here, and it was cold and the meat was gross and the tomato was unripe and they were out of wheat bread and the eating area was filthy. So today, I went to the "sports bar." It looks nice, and they charge $10 for a sandwich, so you think it would at least be decent, like most airport Chili'ses, but no. I spent $13 on a flat coke; fatty brisket sandwich served on like, Wonder Bread and with gross BBQ sauce; and soggy fries. I'm glad the waitress didn't ask if everything was OK, because I might not have had the self-control to lie.

Also, there is precisely one shop in the entire pre-security area that sells bottles of pop. Seriously. The rest only had off-brand juice, maybe a bottle of PowerAde, and water. I ended up buying a bottle of Coke (it was that, Diet Coke, or Sprite) at the little cart after security. The woman there was very nice, which was a good thing, since she charged me $2.43 for a 20 oz bottle of Coke. If she was rude, I might have lost it at that juncture. Two dollars. And forty-three cents. I hate you, Kansas City airport.

Sorry about the ranting, but that's the downside of traveling alone--having nobody to complain to. That and having to drag all your carry-on luggage to the bathroom.