Review: Crossed

Crossed by Ally Condie

My rating: 2 of 5 stars



Well. That wasn't good.

The biggest problem with Crossed is that it's extremely dull. The greatest strength of the first book, Matched, was the Society the characters lived in. This book takes the characters out of Society and puts them in a canyon, where they wander back and forth to no clear purpose.

If the characters were particularly vibrant or intriguing, this might still work. But as it turns out, when separated from the interesting concepts of their world, the characters are dull and generic. Also, half of the chapters are from the perspective of the female lead, and half from that of the male lead, but the voice they're written in is identical. I could only tell who was narrating from the headers and context clues. Say what you will about Stephenie Meyer (and heaven knows I have), but the chapters written from Jacob's perspective sound like a different person. (Oh, and either I had stopped paying attention, or the little interpersonal dramas made no sense. "You know that story you told about your mother and also it happened in a book or something? Well, I have deduced it was really about YOU!" Seriously, does anybody know what that was about?)

I liked the first one, and I still intend to read the third one when it comes out. The optimistic interpretation of how bad this one was is that Condie only had enough material for two books, but decided she needed to stretch the gap between points A and B because her publisher wanted a trilogy. The pessimistic interpretation is that once she ran out of plot to crib from The Giver, she was out of ideas. I'm hoping it's the first option, but we'll find out.



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Another Webcomic Recommendation

I know I read more webcomics than many people, but seriously, this one's very good: Basic Instructions. It's monochromatically hilarious!

I'll only put one sample here, since it turned out small (click on it to embiggen, or see the original page here):


And here are some links to my favorites:

How to Tell Someone that They are Wrong

How to Play Video Games "Together"

How to Get Amazing Kicks from Something "Normal" People Will Never Understand (it's about the show The Prisoner)

How to Calm a Frightened Child

How to Create a Weapon that is Devastating and Unstoppable

and, from just a few days ago, How to Live Your Dreams. Click here to read more . . .

My Favorite Lines from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

Voldemort: "How do you live with yourself?"
Lucious Malfoy: "FAAAABulously!"

Neville: "I have snake murder in my heart!"

Snape: "Take [my tears]! Take them!"
Harry: "PENSIEVES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!"
Ron: "The Room of Requirement doesn't show up on the map. That's what you said last year, remember?"
Hermione: "That's right, I forgot! Thanks for finally putting right our gender roles, so now we can make out!"

McGonagall: "Longbottom, you and Mr. Finnigan go blow it up!"
Neville: "Blow what up, Professor?"
McGonagall: "The Alfonso Cuaron Memorial Bridge, of course!"

Every character, ever: "You have your mother's eyes!"Little girl who played young Lily: [has brown eyes]

David Yates, to the special effects guys: "I like this scene, but can something be floating in it? Always more floating!"

Little Albus: "But Dad, what if the Sorting Hat puts me in Slytherin?"
Harry: "Son, with that haircut, I'd be worrying about Hufflepuff."

Little Albus: "Why are they all staring?"
Ron: "Don't let it worry you. It's me. I'm extremely famous."
OH NO WAIT they didn't include the best line from the epilogue

and of course,
Voldemort: "And I would have gotten away with it too, if not for you meddling kids!" [dissolves into confetti] Click here to read more . . .

Today in Vanity License Plates

HEY IM JT

I think we all know exactly how this went down.

JT: Hey, yeah, so, can I get a vanity license plate that says "JT"? Because I'm JT.

Low-level bureaucrat: JT is taken.

JT: Um, ok, how about "IM JT"?

LLB: Taken.

JT, deep in thought: How can I let people know, with my car, that I'm JT? Hmmm . . . . Hey, I've got it!

58 MPG

The car with this one parks at the bank near my library. I don't know what kind it is, but I guess I'm supposed to be consumed with jealousy every time I see it. Click here to read more . . .

May Classics: Task Completed

I did it! I went the whole month of May only reading classic works of literature! Except for when I brought the Axe Cop book home from the library, but comics don't count, right?

As Craig pointed out, my initial list of classics was waaaay too ambitious for one month of reading, so I'm planning to hold more Classics Months in the future. Not this month, though. For one thing, I already told all my cheesy YA lit holds to come back to the library for me. For another thing, one of my co-workers pointed out that it's better to read classics in the wintertime. That's clearly just true.

Here's what I accomplished:

1. Ivanhoe

Here's my Goodreads review. In a nutshell, Ivanhoe is not really good, but I can see how it set up a lot of the knights/chivalry/Richard the Lionhearted/Robin Hood cliches we all love so much. So it has that going for it.

After I read Ivanhoe, I checked out the 1952 movie version and boy howdy! If I thought the book had some dumb parts, it has nothing on the film. Neal and I had a grand old MST3K time with that one. Short version: plastic swords and helmets, everyone except Elizabeth Taylor is ugly and can't act (and Elizabeth Taylor's acting was no great shakes either), and the comic relief characters dies a painful death that no one ever remarks upon. Oh, and it got nominated for Best Picture that year, so I hope you're ashamed of yourself, cinema industry of 1952.

2. Slaughterhouse-Five

I would link you to my Goodreads review for this one, but I was only in the mood to write "It would have been better without the aliens." Which is true.

It's an odd little book; one that's better before the story gets started. It starts with what I assume is an only barely fictionalized account of Vonnegut trying to, but having a hard time getting around to, writing a book about his experience in Dresden during WWII. Once it gets to its protagonist, Billy Pilgrim, it's not nearly as interesting. Here's my problem with the book: Billy Pilgrim is a worthless, pathetic nothing even before he goes to war. His experience in Dresden doesn't break him. He's pretty much exactly the same until he goes crazy, long after the war, because he's in a plane crash and sustains a serious head injury. I don't care about Billy Pilgrim when he's being useless in Germany; I don't care about Billy Pilgrim when he's experiencing middle-aged ennui; I don't care about Billy Pilgrim when he thinks he's been abducted by aliens and living in their zoo. I would care about what happened in Dresden, but that only gets a cameo.

3. Great Expectations

My Goodreads review for this one is pretty long. This was the biggest surprise of Classics Month: I liked Great Expectations! It was sort of difficult going for the first two-thirds (although it was much funnier than I expected), but then the last third was really great and made the first parts worth it. I really enjoyed it.

4. The Catcher in the Rye

Like I mention in the Goodreads review, this is the only one of the books I read in May that I don't understand why it's a classic. Holden Caulfield is much, much more worthless than Billy Pilgrim. A co-worker/Goodreads friend told me she was sad to see I hated the book. I asked her if the point was to hate Holden, and she said it was, so I will admit that at least it's successful. I will give it this, too: it's a very believable internal portrait of an anti-social, spoiled, stuck-up teenage boy. But that doesn't make it any less irritating to have to spend so much time in his head. Especially when there's no plot to move things along.

This is a serious question for you: why do we, as a society, care about this book?

5. Heart of Darkness

I'm not going to lie to you:

I picked Heart of Darkness because I didn't finish Catcher in the Rye until the 29th. No regrets!

Again: Goodreads review link. Basically, I can tell this is good (unlike with some extremely popular J. D. Salinger books I could name), but I don't think I could fully get it without more outside study. It hints instead of explaining. I wish I had read it in some level of school so I could have wrung more of the meaning out of it.

That was the great thing about the Axe Cop book. All the commentary! Click here to read more . . .

Et tu, Turge?

Welp, looks like Maryland has hired away Mark Turgeon from Texas A&M. My reaction? I, um . . . I don't care.

I should care, and in some ways I do. It's problematic, but unsurprising, that A&M is a stepping-stone job. And I don't like that part of the reason Turgeon is leaving, probably, is that Aggie fans do not fill Reed on a regular basis. That's stupid. There's no excuse for poor attendance when the team has been consistently good. And, of course, I worry about who Bill Byrne will get as a replacement, especially since it's a little late in the off-season to be finding somebody.

However.

Mark Turgeon seems like a real nice guy, and he's a good coach, but he's not a great coach. This year's Aggie team, in particular, was just awful to watch. I'm glad they made the tournament, but watching them play was like getting teeth pulled.

Now, this is partly coming from me just not following Aggie basketball as closely as I used to. I'm sure I would have liked Turgeon's teams better if I'd known them better. Certainly, A&M could do worse than Turgeon. Certainly. But I feel that he continued Billy Gillispie's success instead of truly building on it. So I think, and I very much hope, that A&M can find somebody who can do at least a little more than that. We'll just have to see. Click here to read more . . .

May Classics

OK, new project!

Last night, it occurred to me: some month, I should only read classic works of literature. (I feel like I have a lot of those to catch up on; due to my lackluster high school English classes [I'm sorry, Mrs. Seuser, it was the textbooks, not you] I've missed out on reading many of the books "everybody" "should" read. I mean, I usually know enough about them to answer a related Trivial Pursuit question, but that's not the same.) And I realized, hey! Tomorrow is the start of a new month! Let's do this thing.

This decision has required commitment on my part, I just want you to know. I'm taking back to the library not one, not two, but three fairly awesome-sounding YA lit books, unread. (I've got to write a post about my newfound fascination with YA lit sometime. There's some good stuff for teens out there!) I'm also returning a couple edifying nonfiction works which, um, I'm sure would have been just as good. But now I've got those back on hold (but suspended, so they won't come back to me until June) so I can clear out my book space and head space for Classics of Literature.

The first (and, give that it is only one month and all, perhaps only) order of business is to read classics Neal and I have on our own shelves, but that I have never read. I'm most determined to read Great Expectations. I bought myself a copy of Great Expectations in maybe middle school, intending to Dickens it up, but I was never able to get through it, no matter how many times I tried. Here's the kicker: I found out, as I was writing this post right here, that I own an abridged version of Great Expectations. I didn't even make it through something two steps up from a Cliff's Notes! So in this case, I won't be reading what we have on our shelf, but rather a different copy of something we have on our shelf.

I think I'll start with Ivanhoe, another book I've tried and failed at in the past. At least my copy of that is unabridged. Other project books include:

Machiavelli's The Prince (which I should have read before I wrote my masters thesis, since it came up)

Gulliver's Travels

The Catcher in the Rye (although I'm not expecting it to be good, considering all the parodies of Salinger's writing style I've seen)

Nineteen Eighty-Four

Fahrenheit 451

The Inferno

Heart of Darkness

Slaughterhouse-Five

If I get through those, is there anything else I should target? Any "classics" that I really do need to read? (I also already had Dracula and The Jungle on my Goodreads to-read shelf, so I threw them on my classics-project shelf as well.) I want to do this thing up right! Click here to read more . . .