My Favorite Lines from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

Voldemort: "How do you live with yourself?"
Lucious Malfoy: "FAAAABulously!"

Neville: "I have snake murder in my heart!"

Snape: "Take [my tears]! Take them!"
Harry: "PENSIEVES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!"
Ron: "The Room of Requirement doesn't show up on the map. That's what you said last year, remember?"
Hermione: "That's right, I forgot! Thanks for finally putting right our gender roles, so now we can make out!"

McGonagall: "Longbottom, you and Mr. Finnigan go blow it up!"
Neville: "Blow what up, Professor?"
McGonagall: "The Alfonso Cuaron Memorial Bridge, of course!"

Every character, ever: "You have your mother's eyes!"Little girl who played young Lily: [has brown eyes]

David Yates, to the special effects guys: "I like this scene, but can something be floating in it? Always more floating!"

Little Albus: "But Dad, what if the Sorting Hat puts me in Slytherin?"
Harry: "Son, with that haircut, I'd be worrying about Hufflepuff."

Little Albus: "Why are they all staring?"
Ron: "Don't let it worry you. It's me. I'm extremely famous."
OH NO WAIT they didn't include the best line from the epilogue

and of course,
Voldemort: "And I would have gotten away with it too, if not for you meddling kids!" [dissolves into confetti] Click here to read more . . .

Harry Potter Thoughts: Order of the Phoenix

I maintain that Goblet of Fire is my favorite of the Harry Potter books, but Order of the Phoenix is also way up there. Yes, it's angsty, but it's also very, very funny. It's our introduction to Luna Lovegood, so how could it not be?

I love Luna.

Thoughts:
1) Speaking of Luna, I think the choice of Evanna Lynch is probably the second-best casting decision in the entire Harry Potter film series. The casting overall is very good--how lucky were they that Daniel Radcliffe turned out to be so talented?--so that's high praise. I say it's second because Robbie Coltrane is so perfect as Hagrid. I have my own mental version of most of the characters when I read the books, but book Hagrid and movie Hagrid are identical to me.

2) I love how Harry's escape from Privet Drive in this book is mirrored in the final book. The key to it is how everybody mocks Moody this time for being overcautious and acting like somebody might die, whereas in the last book, well, you know.

3) It must be said--all of Dumbledore's decisions vis a vis prefects are stupid. Except for making Hermione one. Why would he make power-mad weasel Draco Malfoy a prefect? Why would he do that? Why would he make Ron a prefect? Ron shows us over and over again that he's not willing to stand up to his house's biggest troublemakers, his brothers, and why would Dumbledore expect him to? I have a higher opinion of Ron's testicular fortitude than most, but I still think making him a prefect was dumb. Most of all, why would Dumbledore wish he could have made Harry a prefect? And would Harry expect to become one? He breaks rules all the time! And not just to fight Dumbledore or whatever--he breaks rules to chill out in Hogsmeade or hang out at Hagrid's hut all the time. There's no higher purpose there; it's just for fun. Seriously, why didn't Dumbledore chose Dean? Dean was clearly the way to go there.

I can't argue with the choice of Hermione, though. I guess that was an OK decision.

4) I don't particularly care for Ginny (J.K. quite often fell into the trap of "telling" instead of "showing" us why Ginny's supposed to be great), but I give her this: she's good to Neville.

5) Everyone but Harry and Ron are right: Hagrid is an awful teacher. Just execrable. Why did Dumbledore hire him for that?

I like Professor Grubbly-Plank. Also, she and Professor Sprout would probably make a pretty cute couple. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

6) The part where Harry has a conversation with Ron and Hermione about just having kissed Cho is pretty much my favorite scene in the entire series. Again: this book is funny. ("Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have," has, at multiple times in the past, caused me to laugh and laugh and laugh.)

7) OK, fellow Potter Hindsight Detectives, take-a look-a this passage from page 470 (just after Harry tells Dumbledore that he's had a vision of a giant snake attacking Mr. Weasley): "Dumbledore now swooped down upon one of the fragile silver instruments whose function Harry had never known, carried it over to his desk, sat down facing [Harry and Professor McGonagall] again, and tapped it gently with the tip of his wand.
"The instrument tinkled into life at once with rhythmic clinking noises. Tiny puffs of pale green smoke issued from the minuscule silver tube at the top. Dumbledore watched the smoke closely, his brow furrowed, and after a few seconds, the tiny puffs became a steady stream of smoke that thickened and coiled in the air. . . . A serpent's head grew out of the end of it, opening its mouth wide. . . .
" 'Naturally, naturally,' murmured Dumbledore apparently to himself, still observing the stream of smoke without the slightest sign of surprise. 'But in essence divided?'
"Harry could make neither head nor tail of this question. The smoke serpent, however, split itself instantly into two snakes, both coiling and undulating in the dark air. With a look of grim satisfaction Dumbledore gave the instrument another gentle tap with his wand: The clinking noise slowed and died, and the smoke serpents grew faint, became a formless haze, and vanished."

So . . . what was that thing? Do we ever find out? Does it tell use anything we didn't already know by this point in the narrative (that Harry's seeing into Voldemort's mind, duh)? What's "in essence divided?" Is that a Horcrux hint? Why does Dumbledore need a snake-vision-confirmation machine?

8) When Mrs. Weasley comes home from the hospital after Mr. Weasley passes the crisis point, she says that Bill is with his father now, having taken "the morning off work." The morning? Your dad gets 85% killed by an enormous evil mind-meld horcrux snake and you don't use up a whole sick day?! C'mon, Bill!

9) I like the hints J. K. drops (which you might miss the first time around) that Kreacher has left Sirius's house for a while. That's how you foreshadow without just giving away the plot in advance, Stephenie Meyer.

10) Hermione skips skiing with her parents over Christmas to hang out with Harry and the Weasleys at Grimauld Place. This continues the books' minor theme that Hermione really, really could not care less about her parents.

11) One of my favorite illustrations of the wizard/Muggle divide is when Mr. Weasley hesitantly tells his wife that he's been experimenting with Muggle remedies for his snake bite wounds: "Well . . . well, I don't know whether you know what--what stitches are?"
"It sounds as though you've been trying to sew your skin back together," said Mrs. Weasley with a snort of mirthless laughter, "but even you, Arthur, wouldn't be that stupid--"
And then Harry hightails it out of there in anticipation of a major Mrs. Weasley conniption.

12) Does Dumbledore ever do anything more awesome than when escapes his office out from the Minister of Magic's nose? ("Well--it's just that you seem to be laboring under the delusion that I am going to--what is the phrase? 'Come quietly.' I am afraid I am not going to come quietly at all, Cornelius.") I submit that he does not.

13) Harry's dad, as we learn from Snape's worst memory, was a horrible human being as a teenager. Is that what Harry would have been like if his parents had lived, and he'd been a regular, rich, talented kid instead of a poor grubby orphan? . . . Maybe his mom's influence would have prevented it.

14) This book also contains Hagrid's most awesome moment: when, Hulk-like, he beats down a half-dozen Aurors. Go Hagrid.

15) Unfortunately, this book also contains the stupid Hagrid development, Grawp. The worst thing about Grawp is not that Hagrid is stupid for trying to keep his giant brother in the woods like some particularly horrible pet, but (as Neal as pointed out to me) that Grawp has no bearing on any plot developments in the future. What was the point of Grawp, J. K.? What was the point?

16) When Dumbledore finally spills the beans about the prophecy that foretold that Harry would have to kill Voldemort or vice versa, Harry asks what power he could have that could enable him to beat Voldemort. As we know, the answer is love. (No, really.) The weird part is that Dumbledore introduces this answer by saying "There is a room n the Department of Mysteries . . . that is kept locked at all times. It contains a force that is at once more wonderful and more terrible than death, than human intelligence, than forces of nature. It is also, perhaps, the most mysterious of the many subjects for study that reside there."

Really? I mean, I believe love is powerful and all, but . . . there's a room? Of love? The Love Room? I assume they don't call it that, as it would probably give people the wrong impression, but still.

17) Finally, here are some more quotes that I think are funny:

"How do you remember stuff like that?" asked Ron, looking at her in admiration.
"I listen, Ron," said Hermione with a touch of asperity.

[Re: Ernie Macmillan, the pompous Hufflepuff kid (a minor character I enjoy more upon each re-reading)] He looked around impressively, as though waiting for people to cry, "Surely not!"

"Dangerous?" said Hagrid, looking genially bemused. "Don' be silly, I wouldn' give hey anythin' dangerous! I mean, all righ', they can look after themselves--"

[Hermione thanks the boys for her Christmas presents:] "Thanks for the book, Harry!" she said happily. "I've been wanting that New Theory of Numerology for ages! And that perfume is really unusual, Ron."
"No problem," said Ron. Click here to read more . . .

Harry Potter Thoughts: Goblet of Fire

I'm frustrated with myself because I know a lot of things occurred to me as I re-read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but then I forgot them. I'll try to take notes when I read the final three books.

Anyway.

This has always been my favorite book of the series. It never fails to impress me how from the time Harry enters the maze at the final of the Triwizard Cup until Dumbledore finishes interrogating Barty Crouch, jr., it's edge-of-your-seat, can't-put-it-down reading. It doesn't let up. It's awesome.

It doesn't hurt that this is the book where we finally start getting some Ron-Hermione tension of the romantic variety. I love Ron + Hermione.

More thoughts:

1. Fake Moody's plan is so needlessly elaborate. He gained Harry's trust pretty early on and, since Dumbledore wasn't suspicious of him, could have just lured Harry away from Hogwarts and disapparated with him or whatever. Heck, he could have gotten Harry onto a bus to Little Hangleton with some vague promise of investigation or adventure or whatever. Harry's easy.

2. Neal wanted me to point out that this is the book where Hermione's character starts to get morally comprised. Um, Hermione, sweetie? It's not OK to imprison a human woman (disguised as a beetle or not) in a little glass jar for a week or two because she annoyed you or whatever. There's also the blackmail aspect to be concerned about, but the imprisonment thing is worrisome enough.

3. Harry and the other champions have to compete in three events, each of which probably take less than two hours. So they get out of final exams and the entire Quidditch season gets cancelled because . . . ? I mean, other than getting J. K. out of writing Quidditch matches, of course.

4. While I'm on the subject of Quidditch, I might as well address the subject of Quidditch. It's one of the real weaknesses of the entire series. Rowling admitted in interviews that she doesn't really know much about sports and that the matches were chores for her to write. The former point is not surprising--Quidditch is a pretty terrible sport.

People on flying broomsticks throwing balls through very high hoops? That's great. That's a great sport for wizards to play. Adding a second kind of ball that zooms around trying to knock players off their brooms? Also great! It's funny, very much in keeping with the little absurdities of Rowling's wizarding universe. But the snitch, you guys. The snitch.

The fact that catching the snitch both ends the game and earns the catching team 150 points (when each goal is only worth 10) pretty much ruins the whole thing. Yes, in Goblet of Fire, we see a team lose despite getting the snitch. I know. That is, however, the only time we see that happen, and you would think it would indeed be pretty rare. It's just too much.

The snitch is, of course, a device that allows Harry to be an indisputable, individual hero even in a team game. Quidditch works great as a plot device, but as a sport, it's awful.

Also, if it's such a big deal, why does Hogwarts only hold six games a year (when the tournament isn't canceled, of course)? And if there are only four teams at what seems to be the only wizarding school in the British Isles, how can the British Isles also support at least one professional Quidditch league? Wouldn't it be easier to make it onto a professional squad than a Hogwarts house team?

Those problems all pale beside the snitch, though.

5. Back to the Triwizard Tournament--it sounds like a really terrible spectator event. The dragon-fighting contest would be pretty cool to watch, obviously, but the others? In the second task, the crowd had to just sit there for over an hour waiting for the champions to emerge from the lake. In defense of Muggles--we would have set up some dang underwater video cameras so we didn't have to rely on Merperson testimony to find out what happened down there. The third task would have been pretty cool to watch if the crowd were high enough to see everything that happened in the maze, but they weren't. Again, J. K. Rowling: not great with the sports.

6. Honest question: how are supposed to feel about house elves? Hermione makes what seem to be extremely good points about how they're slave labor since, after all, they're slave labor. However, her crusade is played for laughs, and none of the other characters agree with her. Ron and his brothers are from a pretty relaxed and groovy wizard family, but they see no problem with how house elves are treated. All the house elves we meet besides Dobby are A-OK with doing unpaid, unquestioning labor, and even Dobby would rather be paid a pittance than a fair wage. Dumbledore, for agreeing to pay Dobby, seems the closest to Hermione's point of view. Even then, it seems like he's being indulgent, not any kind of activist.


Maybe it's just as well that I didn't take notes, since this was plenty long as is.

It'll be just a bit until I start Order of the Pheonix, I think, because I'm halfway through the Twilight "saga." Speaking of, should I share my thoughts on that? I'd kind of like to, but there are already lots of places on the internet where you can read criticism of Twilight. Click here to read more . . .

Neal's Epic-ly Spoilerific and Spoilerific-ly Epic Deathly Hallows Review

Grade: B (I think Rachel would rate it higher, but I'll let her explain that later)
So, this afternoon, Rachel and I got to take in the latest installment of the Harry Potter film franchise. I went in concerned, with my expectations fairly low. I had read some decidedly mixed reviews.

(Click above on the title of this post to continue my spoiler-filled review.)


The reviews I saw tended to offer the following criticisms:

-Holy crap, that was a lot of camping

-Kind of boring, also, did anyone notice all the camping?!

-The young actors couldn't hold their own. Also, you know, the camping thing.

Having now seen the film, I don't think any of these criticisms are particularly fair. For one, there is a lot of camping in the first 2/3 of Deathly Hallows, completely unavoidable for the filmmakers, at least to a certain degree. Secondly, I think all the young actors did fairly well, but more on that below.

As for the plot, anyone geeky enough to start reading a Harry Potter film review on their friend's blog has probably read the book. The film is actually very faithful to the book.

After quick establishing shots of the Trio at their respective homes (including Hermione's), we get Voldemort's meeting with his Death Eaters, escape to the Burrow, wedding, escape from the wedding, Grimmauld Place, break-in to the Ministry, camping, camping, camping, fight, Ron leaves, sad camping, sad camping, sad camping, Godric's Hollow, snake attack, sad camping, Ron returns, Horcrux destruction, slightly-happier camping, Lovegoods', Deathly Hallows explanation, chase, capture, torture, escape, death . . .

As you can see from my overall grade, the film pulls most of this off quite well. Yes, even the camping. Here's my breakdown of what I liked, didn't like, and thought was just OK:

The Good:

Daniel Radcliffe: This isn't too surprising. I think Radcliffe is an all-around solid actor who has generally done a good job playing Harry. Here, he hits all the necessary emotional beats, without overplaying them. Seeing his parents' graves for the first time, Harry tears up and is clearly moved, choking out a glum "Merry Christmas, Hermione" while Hermione puts her arm around him. Radcliffe avoids the chance to create an Oscar clip by weeping and yelling "Noooooooo!!!" while falling to his knees. Well played, Radcliffe.

He's funny too. The scene where Radcliffe has to play six of Harry's own doppelgangers is very, very funny, and well-acted. You can actually tell who's who just based on Radcliffe's posture and facial expression.

Finally, it must be said that he has excellent on-screen chemistry with Emma Watson (more on that below), which works to the film's advantage during the admittedly long 'sad camping' phase after Ron's departure.

Emma Watson: OK, this is a surprise. For most of the previous six films, Emma Watson has gotten by on an often-terrible combination of one 'concerned' face, one 'scared' face, a 'sad face,' disconcertingly-rapid eyebrow movements, and more recently the fact that she's (at the age of 20) very, very pretty. Please understand that I mean this in the least-pervy way possible. Rachel and I had a whole conversation about this on the way home. In this film, the filmmakers really go out of their way to try to make the Trio look scruffy, tired, and worn out. The boys are both dirty and bestubbled for most of the proceedings. Hermione, on the other hand, looks all freckly and adorable no matter what. Don't underestimate the importance of this for her future career as an actress. Other pretty actresses have gotten by on less talent.

Here, though, Rachel and I both thought she did a good job. Like Radcliffe, she hits all the necessary emotional beats, from sobbing over a bleeding and unconscious Ron to screaming and writhing in agony as Bellatrix carves the word 'mudblood' into her arm (yes, this actually happens). Life Radcliffe, she has some nice, quietly-played moments where she avoids the temptation to overact. Well played, Watson.

Ministry Break-In: This is one of most compelling, and often funny, segments of the film. As I'm sure you know, the Trio have to disguise themselves as Ministry employees in order to break in and steal the the Slytherin locket Horcrux from Dolores Umbridge. The reason this series of scenes works so well is that the adult actors who play the disguised Trio all do a great job. Especially David O'Hara, who plays Harry and is without question the secret MVP of the movie. It's hard to explain unless you see it, but he's hilariously convincing as Harry/Radcliffe in disguise.

Harry-Hermione Slow Dance: When I first read in an early review of the movie that Harry cheers up a depressed Hermione (post-Ron departure) by slow dancing with her to a Nick Cave song, I assumed this was going to be Harry Potter's biggest "Hey! Is that the Fonz on water skis?!" moment since Grawp snatched up Hermione in Order of the Phoenix (Man, was that a stupid scene). And yet, it works. It really works. Radcliffe and Watson deserve all the credit in the world. They clearly have a very real, lived-in friendship that comes across nicely on screen. A surprisingly-touching little moment that could have easily seemed awkward and forced. Well-played, Radcliffe and Watson.

Destroying the Slytherin Locket Horcrux: I'm a little torn here, because this scene ultimately falls a little flat once the Horcrux is destroyed. It makes the 'good list' all the same because it's the source of one of the most incredibly-palpable moments of "is this actually happening!!!?? IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING!!!????" tension I've ever experienced in a packed movie theater.

After Ron rescues Harry and retrieves the sword of Gryffindor from the frozen pond, Harry opens the locket using Parseltongue. At this point, an evil, scarier version of the smoke monster from Lost explodes out of the locket, sending Ron and Harry flying backwards in opposite directions. Horcrux-Voldemort's taunting of Ron culminates in the appearance of shiny, evil versions of Harry and Hermione who tell Ron that he's worthless, and then proceed to full-on make out . . . in the nude. How nude? This is a conversation from the car ride home:

Me: Am I taking crazy pills, or was there actually some side boob there?
Rachel: Oh, there was totally side boob!! IT WAS BANANAS!!

Again, I can't stress enough how fun it was to be in a packed theater of Harry Potter fans who were collectively losing their crap. Also, kudos to Radcliffe and Watson for really, really not holding back. Even if we all realize later that this scene was way overwrought (very possible), it was still an incredibly-enjoyable theater moment.

Deathly Hallows Animation: This was completely unexpected and very cool. When the Trio visit a clearly-depressed and distracted Xenophilius Lovegood for info on the strange symbol Hermione keeps coming across, he has Hermione read 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' from the book Dumbledore left her. Hermione's narration is accompanied by some really cool animation that explains the origins of the three Deathly Hallows. One of the nicest surprises of the film. Of course, everything goes downhill for the film after this scene (a full rant on that below).

Little Moments: The filmmakers do a great job of building in little moments to reward fans of the books. Harry does wake up in Grimmauld Place to find that Ron and Hermione fell asleep holding hands (and yes, Ron is on the floor). Ron and Harry speak appreciatively about the little portable fires Hermione is so good at making (a nice call back to the first book). We also get some great Fred and George stuff early in the film ("I'm holey, Fred"). The list could go on. Good job, filmmakers.

Honorable Mentions: Godric's Hollow snake fight, Hermione erasing her parents' memories of her.

The Just OK:

Rupert Grint: Yeah, I know, he's an easy target. The fact that he's a slightly odd-looking guy is not aided by the fact that he continues to sport one of the worst haircuts any actor has ever had. Grint has been blamed by many fans for the often extreme wimpification of Ron that occurred in many of the earlier films. While much of that comes down to the screenwriters and directors, it's still easy to dislike Grint for his love of goofy facial expressions and high-pitched whining.

And yet, by the halfway point of this film, my opinion of him had completely turned around. He's very good in the early stages of the film, especially in a scene where he confronts Harry in one of his inevitable "No one else is going to die for me!" moods. He's equally good at playing Ron's descent into paranoia and resentment under the influence of the Slytherin locket Horcrux. He, Radcliffe, and Watson are all great in the big argument scene.

Then, he returns, and while he does a passable job in the Horcrux destruction scene, things quickly go downhill from there (More on that below).

Ron-Hermione Reunion: So, once Ron and Harry have vanquished the smoke monster, they head back to camp to meet up with Hermione, but not before Ron quips, "just think, only three more to go!" Parenthetically, I was a little disappointed they cut the whole "Dude, seriously, she's like my sister, bro" conversation Harry and Ron have at that point in the book.

Meanwhile, back at the tent, Hermione awakes to find that Ron has returned to the Scooby Gang. After the requisite slapping and hitting of Ron, Hermione looks on coldly as Ron explains how he found his way back to Harry and Hermione.

*incredibly cheesy music begins to swell in the background*

Now, keep in mind, the movie had actually been pretty stellar up to this point (at least in my opinion), but now for the first time I thought "uh oh . . . "

Ron, accompanied by a painfully overwrought score, explains how he heard Hermione's voice on the radio, opened the Deluminator, a ball of light touched his heart, bla, bla, bla. None of this is really Grint's fault. He does a decent job with the speech, and it's straight out of the book, but the music kind of makes it all fall flat. Meh.

Dobby: Dobby of course makes his triumphant return in this film, and the filmmakers do a good job of working him into the story before the whole "And now, for some reason, Dobby is here!" rescue at Malfoy Manor. The CG animation looks good, and the voice actor does a fine job, but the film often deflates essential tension so that Dobby can have all his big moments. In the film, it's kind of Dobby's own fault he takes a knife to the chest. At the climax of the fight in Malfoy Manor, with Ron, Harry, a rescued Hermione, and the goblin all gathered together and ready to disapparate, Dobby inexplicably pauses to give his cheesy "Dobby is a free elf!!" speech. Many of the people in the theater loved this, meanwhile all I could think was: DISAPPARATE! YOU IDIOT!!!!

Dobby's death is handled well, with Radcliffe convincingly crying over what was (I assume) a rubber doll with golf balls for eyes. I don't know. I can only get so worked up over a CG muppet. Meh.

The Villains: I'm lumping all of these characters together, because the problems are more with the writing and directing than with the actors. Ralph Fiennes is terrific as Voldemort (and I actually didn't really like him that much in Goblet of Fire), but we don't get to see much of him after the big Death Eater sit-down that starts the film. Helena Bonham Carter does a good job as Bellatrix, especially during her creepy confrontation with Hermione, but she is horribly undermined by her wardrobe. I'm sorry, but a woman wearing a set of fake teeth and Elvira hair can only be so scary.

The main villains for much of the film are actually the 'Snatchers,' bandits who maraud the countryside looking for fugitives. Ultimately, they're kind of a dud as a group of villains. The main Snatcher is basically presented as a Hermione-sniffing pervert. Weird? Yes. Slightly unsettling? Maybe. Scary? Not really.

This is why The Lord of the Rings had Orcs.

Slightly Weird/Unintentionally Funny: Neither Ron nor Harry gives two farts about Hermione's parents. Despite frequent melancholy statements like, "I used to come here with Mum and Dad, of course, they wouldn't remember that now, or me . . . " Ron and Harry never inquire further or show the slightest interest in why she's so upset.

The Bad:

Chase and Capture: After their meeting with Xenophilius Lovegood goes south, the Trio have to quickly disapparate to avoid getting caught by Death Eaters. They reappear in some woods where they run right into a set of Snatchers, led by the Hermione-Sniffing Pervert.

"Snatch them!" he says. (audible groan)

And so, they run. But why though? Couldn't they grab hands and just disapparate again? Apparition might secretly be one of the biggest logic/continuity errors in the books. When I think about it, I'm not sure I really know all the rules. Anyway, maybe the Trio are just low on MP (appreciative chuckle from those of us who played video games in the early '90's), but they decide to run. There is some cool camera work here, but they of course are captured fairly easily, with Hermione disfiguring Harry so he won't be recognized.

It's not how easily they're captured that deflates all tension from this set of scenes, it's how easily they're held captive. Like Superman, it turns out that Harry, Ron, and Hermione have but one weakness as wizards who have undergone six years of magical training. So, what is Harry Potter's kryptonite?

Having his arms or shirt held lightly from behind . . . yeah, real heroic. After some Hermione sniffing, the Hermione-Sniffing Pervert recognizes Harry and decides that he's taking these fugitives straight to the Big Boss.

When next we see our indomitable heroes, they are being led glumly towards the front gates of Malfoy Manor (Voldemort HQ). Knowing that torture and death surely await them inside, what do our heroes do to attempt escape? Nothing. Are they tied up? No. Magically restrained or incapacitated in any way? No. You see, the Snatchers are lightly pushing them from behind. It would be impossible for them to turn around and try to punch out one of their captors, grab a wand, or disapparate. Wait, why can't they disapparate again? This rant's just getting started . . .

Malfoy Manor: The Trio are led (rather easily) into Malfoy Manor and presented to a gleeful Bellatrix and Lucius Malfoy (played brilliantly as a drunken has-been by Jason Isaacs). Once they dispense with the "Is it really him, Draco?" business, Bellatrix recognizes the sword of Gryffindor in the hands of one of the Snatchers, and flips out. She instructs one of her goons (maybe it's Wormtail, I'd have to see it again) to take Harry and Ron down to the cellar, announcing her intentions to question Hermione about the sword.

Now, in the book, aware that their friend is about to be brutally tortured, Ron and Harry have to be dragged kicking and screaming into to the cellar. In the movie, nope, their arms are being held from behind, so they're totally helpless. They allow themselves to be led rather meekly into their prison cell.

This is where the scene falls tragically flat. Give credit to Helena Bonham Carter and Emma Watson, who both at least realized this was the climax of the movie. Emma Watson very convincingly howls in agony as Bellatrix questions her about the sword.

In the book, Ron starts hysterically sobbing at the sound of Hermione's pain and physically hurls himself at the cellar door in a desperate attempt to escape. In the movie, Rupert Grint plays Ron as mildly concerned, at best. Movie Ron tugs lightly on the bars of the door and quickly concludes that they're locked in, so . . .

All the tension created by Hermione's torment is completely deflated by Harry and Ron's weirdly calm and frankly, kind of lame reaction in the cellar. Then of course Dobby shows up to save the day and lets them out.

We're then treated to a very short and perfunctory wand fight as Harry and Ron try to rescue Hermione. Once Dobby drops the chandelier on Bellatrix, Harry very easily takes the wands away from Draco (Seriously! It's the climactic fight of the movie, have the guys throw a few punches!), and they all disapparate.

Just a disappointing conclusion to a good film. In the book, even with Dobby's help, Ron and Harry have to scrape and claw their way out of the cellar (including a deadly confrontation with Wormtail, who is easily dispatched by Dobby here). In the movie, it all goes kind of easy once Dobby shows up. Meh.

Final Thoughts: Despite my epic rant about how disappointing and lame I found parts of the final twenty or so minutes, I overall really enjoyed the movie. David Yates is really good at directing quieter, character-driven moments, but he is not always as good at building and sustaining tension in action scenes. That makes me a little nervous about the finale, but we'll see.

If any of you was brave or crazy enough to read the whole thing, let me know what you thought about the movie or my review in the comments.
Click here to read more . . .

Harry Potter Thoughts

I decided that, in preparation for watching the new Harry Potter movie this Friday (we've got our tickets!), I should re-read all seven in order. (I meant to re-read the first six before the seventh one came out, but that didn't happen, so this will be the first time I've done the seven in a row.) I didn't budget quite enough time, so I won't be able to finish before the movie, but oh well. What I can do is share some observations I've been making about the beginning of the story now that I know how it all ends.

Here are some notions I've entertained, just having finished #3, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

1) J. K. didn't hide a ton of clues about the future in Book 1, but I enjoy the ones that are there. My favorite is Harry's creeping sensation that Snape can read minds.

2) Draco Malfoy may be the worst-written character in the series. (At least through the first three books.) He is unrelentingly horrible--just no redeeming characteristics at all--yet in no way a threat. He never bests Harry at anything, and besides being a little dumb, is a huge coward. It bothers me that Harry and his pals hardly ever have good comebacks for him, when he is nothing but comic relief. Example: Malfoy goes on and on and on and on about Harry fainting because of the dementors. But then he pulls a total drama queen when Buckbeak scratches him. How do Harry and Ron not kill him for that? He gave them so much material!

Let's contrast this with Snape: Snape is a mean, petty little man, but not only is he the secret hero in Book 1, he's also right a lot of the time. Yes, it's always wrong how he treats children (a grown man has no excuse to be that much of a bully to 11- and 12-year-olds), but he has a point when he talks about Harry being an inveterate rule-breaker and how Dumbledore unreasonably favors him.

3) The climax of the Prisoner of Azkaban movie is actually much better than the book's. Heresy, I know, but the structure is much tighter and more suspenseful in the film. In the book, there are only a few, fleeting high-pressure moments on Harry and Hermione when the go back in time; in the movie, the second run-through is (as I recall) more exciting the first. Good job, screenwriter and director.

4) I really, really love the scene where Harry first meets Ron. It's so cute. Plus, it highlights one of the most interesting aspects of the Ron-Harry friendship: how each one is jealous of what the other has. (Ron wishes he had Harry's fame and money; Harry wishes he had Ron's family and wizarding-world knowledge.)

5) I finally figured out how Harry could have gotten along with the Dursleys. I've always felt like there was something he could do to try to live more peaceably with them, because although it's mostly their fault, it's a little him, too. "Keep a civil tongue in your head" clearly wouldn't be enough, though, since they're so horrible. But! Harry has lots of wizard money, and the Dursleys like regular money. He should have just converted some of his cash into some Muggle cash and paid them to be nicer to him. Heck, he could just have paid off Dudley, because Vernon and Petunia don't really get set off unless Dudley (or an owl of some sort) is involved. All he'd need to do was set an amount they (or he) would earn at the end of the summer if they avoided verbally and physically abusing him and decrease the amount any time they (or he) crossed the line. Harry's second-biggest life problem: solved. Click here to read more . . .

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: The Movie!

Non-spoilers:

I really liked it. I hate to inflate people's expectations about things, because it's always a bummer when something isn't as good as you think it's going to be even if it's still good on its own merits. However, I have to admit that this is my new favorite Harry Potter movie. Yes, it has unseated Azkaban. It's scary, it's funny, it's sad . . . it's really good.

The biggest complaint about the movie in reviews (although the reviews are generally favorable) is that it doesn't have much of an independent plot; it's just sort of marking time before the end. And that's fairly true. On the other hand, is it actually a problem? As they pointed out on this podcast, this movie assumes that the viewer knows what's going on. It doesn't spend any time re-acquainting you with the characters, recapping what happened at the end of the last movie, or explaining concepts to you. It just does its Harry Potter thing, because if you have any desire to know what's going on, then you already do. So why is it problematic to have a movie that just moves the overarching story along?

The acting is the best it's been so far. Emma Watson toned it down (which is a good thing); Daniel Radcliffe is very good and at times very, very funny; Jim Broadbent surpassed my expectations as Slughorn--he was a treasure; and Neal liked second Dumbledore a lot more in this one (although I've always liked second Dumbledore, so I didn't really notice a difference). Oh, and the girl who plays Ginny very nearly almost gave her character a personality, which is an improvement.

On a more general note, there are always Harry Potter book fans who complain that they cut to much out of the movies. This, in my view, is as useless as complaining that you went to see the movie at the theater and it was just too loud. There are some obvious constants about movies and one is this: there can't be as much in there as there is in a book. There can't.

For instance, the most exact book-to-movie/TV adaptation I can think of is How the Grinch Stole Christmas. You know, the good one. The cartoon Grinch is basically identical to the movie Grinch (well, except for the songs). So a half-hour of film basically translates into 64 pages . . . that are mostly filling with drawings. And you think, you really think, that people would be able to make an under three-hour film out of a 652-page book without cutting huge swathes of it out? That's entirely unrealistic.

I think they did a pretty good job deciding what to and what not to cut, but I'll go into more detail on that below.

Spoilers, or at least specifics, follow after the break.




As to the cutting: the central plot of the book, in my view, is Harry's learning about Voldemort. There's very little (proportionally speaking) of that in the movie. I think they had to decide whether it was going to be a movie about Voldemort, with Harry in a passive role, or whether it was going to be about Harry doing stuff, even though that part isn't as cohesive. And I can't fault them for choosing the latter--after all, it's a Harry Potter movie. On the other hand, I can't say I would have made the same choice, especially considering how important Harry's knowledge of Voldemort becomes in the final book. I assume that will make the last two movies trickier to handle, but we'll just have to find out.

One book-to-movie difference that stood out was in Dumbledore's last stand--in the book, Dumbledore magically paralyzes Harry to keep him from intervening in the fight; in the movie, Harry just stands there of his own volition. It seemed a little troubling, EXCEPT! The reason Harry ends up not doing anything right there at the end is because Snape comes up and indicates that Harry should be quiet, as if assuring Harry that he's going to take care of everything. Harry's confidence in Snape is boosted at the moment because Dumbledore had just told him to go get Snape, that Snape's was the only help he, Dumbledore, wanted. And this means that for Harry, when Snape kills Dumbledore, there's an extra level of Snape betrayal. And that's pretty awesome.

So, my favorite part (at least on first viewing) was when Harry and Hermione were at the Slug Club dinner and Slughorn is asking Hermione what her parents do; she's like "They're dentists" and all the other wizards have a look of "smuh?" on their faces, while Daniel Radcliffe, over at the side of the shot, looks like, "Yeah, awesome. Dentists!" That doesn't describe it very well, but seriously. He was so funny right there. (The rest of the dentist conversation is also a hoot.)

Of course, Radcliffe was even funnier in the Felix Felicis scene. That's probably my favorite scene in the book, and I was surprised that the movie managed to live up to it. OH MAN. SO FUNNY.

And one final word on the greatness of Jim Broadbent--I didn't like Horace Slughorn in the book. He was a weasel. But Broadbent managed to incorporate the weasellyness, mix it with the timidity that is also present in book-Slughorn, and produce a Horace Slughorn that is not just sympathetic, but actually loveable. I loved him. And Broadbent is such a good actor--you could never confuse Slughorn with, say, Bridget Jones's dad, not because of hair or makeup, but just because of the way the actor held his face to play the part. He's SO GOOD.

Well, I know I'm forgetting tons of stuff, but I'll just wrap it up here. Suffice it to say, I really, really liked this movie.
Click here to read more . . .

Today!

If I were harder-core (or if I didn't have to go to work this morning), I would have gone to see Harry Potter last night at midnight. I did see HP #s 3 and 4 at midnight, but then summer before last, by the time Neal and I went to go buy midnight tickets, they were sold out. (It was like 3 in the afternoon.)

But we are going to see it this afternoon! Huzzah! Perhaps I will even post my review of the movie later today. But really, this post is just an excuse to again post this, one of my favorite internet pictures.


Yaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy! Click here to read more . . .

I Think it's the Voice

I know it's been brought up in this space before, but I'd just like to emphasize it one more time--lots and lots of people have a thing for Alan Rickman.

This becomes startlingly apparent anytime one searches for "Alan Rickman" on Facebook--155 groups, people. One hundred and fifty-five. (For reference, there are 208 for Patrick Dempsey [not that I think he's particularly attractive, but he's moderately popular right now] and only 9 for the guy who plays Henry the Accountant on Ugly Betty. Colin Firth beats Alan Rickman with 175, one of which is named "It's Too Bad Colin Firth Has 3 Kids, Cuz I Could Definitely Handle Him Just Being Married." Sadly, that group only has three members.)

But it's not so much about the numbers as the themes of these Alan Rickman groups. Here's a sampling:

Alan Rickman is sexy!

Alan Rickman is really, really sexy and I don't care if he's old!

Alan Rickman Could Make a Dictionary Sound Sexy

Alan Rickman is a Dead Sexy Beast (1,451 members)

I wish Alan Rickman would love me back!

Alan Rickman Can Impregnate By Touch Alone (837 members)

Alan Rickman Gives Me Unrealistic Ideas About Love

alan rickman is the sex

I want to have Alan Rickman's babies

. . . and others that are dirtier than I feel prudent to repeat here.

(There are also four Alan Rickman Appreciation Societies, so I'm pretty sure that three people ripped off Nancy's group idea.)

There's also "Alan Rickman is older than..." which informs us that, indeed, Alan Rickman is older than the following:

Alaska. Hawaii.DNA's double helix.Styrofoam.Disneyland.The Cold War.(Electronic) Calculators.Decolonization.Recycling as an institution.Wite-Out.Civil Rights in the US.Scientology.Piña Coladas.The reign of Elizabeth II.Sputnik.The Superbowl.Conventional porn.World trade.Human Rights.Red China.Australian, Canadian citizenship.The Emmy Awards.Snow in Los Angeles.CIA, DOD, JCS, NSC, US Air Force.Female suffrage in Japan.Bikinis.Apartheid.Bulgaria.France's FOURTH and fifth republics.Antihistamine.Official end of WWII.Tupperware.James Bond.Transistors.Frisbees.AK-47s.Microwave ovens.The completed periodic table.A world without Prussia.Breaking the sound barrier."Under God" in the pledge.New Jersey state constitution.World health.The deutsche mark.McDonalds.Oral contraceptives.Mr. Potato-head.Superglue.Austria.Hula-hoops.Barbie.Creamer.Too many lyrics in Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire"Multiculturalism.ROCK & ROLL

....and yet you would still have his babies. We see no problem with that. Furthermore, we're right here with you.

Another of my personal favorites is "I can't wait to watch Alan Rickman kill Dumbledore" which does not reflect on Alan Rickman's desirability, but more than makes up for it by featuring this picture:

Oh, how that picture makes me laugh.

Click here to read more . . .

Harry Potter Mania Lives On!

People scoffed at the idea that websites like my own personal Harry Potter favorite, Mugglenet, could keep going strong once the series was complete. Ha! Little did they know that such sites would continue to churn out all-important updates like . . . the DVD of the movie version of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix being released in Chile.

In your face, scoffers! Click here to read more . . .

As If Anyone Asked . . .

Here's what I think about the Great Wizard Sexuality Brouhaha of 'Aught-Seven.

Part 1

I read an article from Time this morning called "Put Dumbledore Back in the Closet." The article is written by a gay man whose basic argument is that the way Dumbledore's sexuality was (non-)presented in the Harry Potter books is a worse representation of homosexuals than if Jo had left the Harry Potter world gay-free (as it seemed to be). As he writes:

Shouldn't I be happy to learn he's gay? Yes, except: Why couldn't he tell us himself? The Potter books add up to more than 800,000 words before Dumbledore dies in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and yet Rowling couldn't spare two of those words—"I'm gay"—to help define a central character's emotional identity? We can only conclude that Dumbledore saw his homosexuality as shameful and inappropriate to mention among his colleagues and students. His silence suggests a lack of personal integrity that is completely out of character.

At first glance, this seems to be a good point. However, when you look at it in the context of the Harry Potter series, particularly Harry's relationship to Dumbledore, it's frankly nonsense.

First of all, one of the refrains of Book 7 is Harry's complaint that Dumbledore never told Harry anything about himself. If Dumbledore never told Harry about his little sister, about his imprisoned father, about the brother Harry had met, why in the world should we be insulted, much less surprised, that Dumbledore never told Harry he was gay?

Now, consider this: Hagrid is straight. Snape is straight. . . . Other than that (the latter of which was unconfirmed until page 663 of Book 7), there is no mention of the romantic leanings or entanglements of any of the adults Harry knows at Hogwarts. Does Professor MacGonagall have a husband? A boyfriend? A life partner? A vow of celibacy? Who knows? There's not so much as a hint in the books. By and large, the lives of his teachers are just not something that impinges on the story of Harry.

Similarly, how do we know, as the article author states, that Dumbledore had no love life and "remained celibate" the entire rest of his life? How do we even know Dumbledore didn't tell his colleagues? Maybe he and Sybill Trelawney banter about boys all the time. We, the readers, are usually only privy to knowledge Harry himself has access to. Sure, he picks up stray bits and pieces of teacher-only conversation, thanks to the handy invisibility cloak, but those usually relate to--you know--the plot of the book.

Which brings me to another point--where was Dumbledore's sexuality supposed to fit in? I ask you, my readers: where would it have made sense to slip in this bit of information? As far as I can see, it's just not relevant to the story. Why would it matter to Harry that Dumbledore is gay? How would that change anything?

The only place it even kinda-sorta comes up is Dumbledore's "friendship" with the dark wizard Grindelwald. But in that respect, the Dumbledore-Grindelwald fight is not parallel to the Harry-Voldemort fight that Dumbledore tries to prepare Harry for. If it were Ginny or Ron that Harry had to take down to save the world, then maybe some cautionary words from Dumbledore about love blinding you to the truth that even cute people can be evil . . . then maybe. But as it stands, it's one of the least important things Dumbledore could have bothered to impart to his young apprentice.


Part 2

In response to my initial post about this topic, MacKenzie made a good point (better, really, than the one the guy from Time did).

I don't think [J. K.] gets how writing a book works. You write it, include what you want then ...LET IT GO. One of my favorite parts of books is that I get to use my imagination and add to the story myself, once the story ends, it is up to ME and now she is all up in my face telling me that this person does this and this person is like that.

This, I think, raises a question less about content than about storytelling itself. With science fiction/fantasy franchises, you hear a lot about "canon." Canon is what's official, what's "real," in any particular fictional universe. Anything in the Star Wars films is canon; anything in Star Wars comic books or novels (or *shudder* fan fiction) is not--it's only as "true" as any particular reader wants it to be at the time. This means, unfortunately, that the much cooler version of how Luke came to be raised by Owen and Beru Lars from the novelization of Return of the Jedi has been overridden by the WEAK explanation of Episodes II and III. It's sad, but them's the breaks.

So the question is--are things that J.K. Rowling says now, after all over her words have been committed to the paper of a million trees, considered canon? Is Dumbledore gay, on the plane of Harry Potter reality, because she mentioned it at a couple of book signings?

This is tricky for two reasons. The first is that, allegedly, someday she's going to write some kind of Harry Potter appendix/encyclopedia/something. If she writes it down in there, does that count?

The second and more complicated question is, are the answers that J. K. Rowling is now giving to eager audiences . . . fan fiction? Is what she's doing just a better publicized version of me sitting in front of my computer telling you that I think Neville and Luna will get married and have a bunch of spaced-out babies?

I think there are two possible answers: 1) No, of course not--she created these characters, so she put a whole bunch of thought into them that we never saw on paper. There's background there, informing what all the characters are doing; she just didn't have space to write it all in. 2) Yes, because if it's not printed, if it wasn't important enough to make its way onto the page, then we as readers can't be held accountable for believing it. If she didn't care enough about some of her ideas to make them "fact" by publishing them, then they remain ideas; they remain opinion.

So the question becomes: are J. K. Rowling's opinions about her characters more important than mine or yours? I think that's something each reader can decide for him- or herself. I, for instance, like knowing more about Jo's thought processes. After all, I liked the stuff she imagined and put into the books--I'm all for being able to find more of that same product. At the same time, MacKenzie is right that she's not always consistent about these things. That shows that the contents of Things She Says is just not of as high a quality as Things She Wrote.

I like knowing extra tidbits of what J. K. Rowling thinks about the characters she created. But where I disagree with her, I'm perfectly happy to stick with my decision that Neville and Luna live happily ever after.


Part 3

I'm glad Jo announced that she has always thought of Dumbledore as gay.

I think it's interesting. It gives him, and particularly his Grindelwald storyline, more depth. Even though it went hideously, hideously wrong (and Jo hasn't said, for one thing, whether Grindelwald felt the same way about Dumbledore), I prefer characters I like to find romance rather than, well, not to.

As for whether this is some great social stride, I'd have to say it isn't much of one. After all, it's not in the books; as the novels get read over and over, through the march of time, a post-publication revelation is going to have a much shorter shelf life, a much shallower cache, than what is actually printed on the pages. Still, I can't see how it's a bad thing, either for gay bashers or advocates--Dumbledore's gay, take it or leave it, but it's more important for Harry Potter that he's a good wizard, a good teacher, and a good person. Click here to read more . . .

Breaking Harry Potter News!

(By the time you read this, maybe it'll be old, broken news, but oh well.)

Angela just tipped me off that--wait for it--Dumbledore is gay.

I really did not see that one coming. It's true that you don't see Dumbledore taking any interest in the ladies, but I just figured it was because he was too dedicated and lofty and whatnot. You know, like Obi-Wan Kenobi--all work and no play (so to speak).

But just because I wasn't expecting it doesn't mean it doesn't make sense. It puts that whole Book 7 Grindelwald thing in a different perspective, but not a totally jarring one. And while I'm not going to go for the easy jokes about, for instance, Dumbledore's love of jewelry, I will say that being gay jives with his personality. It fits.

As the article mentions, some people won't like this, on moral grounds. I think that's silly, and here's why: 1. It's not even in the books themselves, so it's not like The Children will be reading about homosexuality in there. 2. Following #1, Dumbledore isn't depicted doing or saying anything Sexually Immoral. 3. No matter what anybody thinks of gay people, they exist, and one of the more important themes of Harry Potter is regular people (of all kinds), like those we interact with every day, just happening to be able to do extraordinary things.

It's a good thing I posted my nemesis list, or I would have gotten all preachy two posts in a row.

Click here to read more . . .

Horace

Jim Broadbent isn't somebody I think about, usually, in the course of everyday life. Alan Rickman, yes; William Daniels, heck yes; even Bill Nighy has intruded into non-entertainment spheres of my existence.

But when Jim Broadbent does occur to me, I inevitably realize: that guy is awesome. I mean, let's talk versatility. The same guy was Harold Zidler in Moulin Rouge

and Bridget Jones's dad!

I don't know if that impresses you, but it sure impresses me.

All this is to say that I was pretty pleased today when Mugglenet informed me that he's going to be playing Professor Slughorn in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. He's not quite roly-poly enough, that's true, but A) Robbie Coltrane isn't nine feet tall, either (and let's not even start on the color of Dan Radcliffe's eyes), and B) he's going to rock it, I promise.

(Do you think we'll get to see Jim Broadbent as a sofa?)

Click here to read more . . .

About a Link

My dad was asking me about my link over there on the side to BlondeChampagne. I don't know the author in a non-internet sense, although I feel like (after having read even the archives of her blog) we'd have a fair amount to talk about if we ever met. She's a college writing instructor/freelance writer, and I found her blog through two of the funniest things I ever read on MSN (back when I checked my hotmail more than twice a month). And though I've linked to them before, I'm sure, here they are again:

Professor Snape

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Both well worth the reading, I assure you. Click here to read more . . .

Harry Potter ADORABLENESS!

There's at least one thing in this post that contains a HARRY POTTER SPOILER. But c'mon. Shouldn't you be done reading by now?

A while back, I posted a great picture that I had found on Facebook. Well, thanks to Nancy, I now know where it came from: Potterpuffs.

This girl is both very talented and super hardcore about Harry Potter. You can tell from her details and the cool things she choses to depict:

I really like this one with Scrimgeour and Fudge. Such good details!

And then there's this supercute Tonks:

But what's best is that she makes Powerpuff versions of my very favorite scenes in the whole series, to wit--

Snape's Worst Memory:

Hermione birding Ron:


And Neville being BEYOND AWESOME:


(And she even made Voldemort cute. How does that work?)

If you go to her site (linking again for emphasis), her commentary is also pretty funny, especially when she talks about her mom having found her work. (It also proves, again, that Alan Rickman groupies are by no means a rare breed.)

Click here to read more . . .

A Post I'm Recommending

This still involves Harry Potter spoilers, just so you know.

My gentleman caller had a great idea related to that interview J. K. Rowling gave. You should read it. Click here to read more . . .

HARRY POTTER!: post five (another spoiler, I'm afraid)

Gotta tell ya, there are MORE SPOILERS in here. So proceed at your own risk. At your own PERIL, even.

If I were J. K. Rowling, I'd feel really relieved right now about being able to answer anybody's questions on anything having to do with Harry Potter, with no more need for secrecy. And maybe that's how she does feel.

Anyway, she's done an interview, which you can read here, in which there is information that makes me very happy:

Luna and Neville Longbottom?

It’s possible Luna has also found love with another member of the D.A.

When she was first asked about the possibility of Luna hooking up with Neville Longbottom several years ago, Rowling’s response was “Definitely not.” But as time passed and she watched her characters mature, Rowling started to “feel a bit of a pull” between the unlikely pair.

Ultimately, Rowling left the question of their relationship open at the end of the book because doing otherwise “felt too neat.”

In other words, WOO HOO! My decision that Luna and Neville get together is perfectly legitimate. Rock on. Click here to read more . . .

HARRY POTTER: post four; 100% chock-full o' spoilers

Again, I cannot stress enough--this post is CHOCK FULL OF SPOILERS. FOR REAL.

My Predictions
I did pretty well, eh?

Guess One: Snape was indeed good and, as I forgot to talk about in the main post but mentioned in a comment, was the one who tipped off Dumbledore that Voldemort was going after the Potters.

Guess Two: Snape was WAY in love with Harry's mom! That part exceeded even my expectations.

Guess Three: Not only did Voldemort die, he died A) without much fanfare and B) without Harry having to Avada Kedavrize him, which was nice.

Hope One: Harry did get to keep being The Boy Who Lived, although he also kind of died--so my 50-50 (if you want to look at it this way, and I do) was strangely accurate. [And about his whole "afterlife" experience: I was leery about the concept, when I first started that chapter, but Jo pulled it off really well. Much better than, say, Grey's Anatomy did. {For instance, I'm glad Cedric Diggory wasn't there, yelling and falling down dead over and over. That . . . might have ruined it for me.}]

Hope Two: Ron lives! (And turns out to be a really funny adult, I thought.)

Hope Three: We did hear about the Dumbledore/Petunia thing, and again, it was even more interesting than I would have thought. Also, a little sad.

Hope Four: I didn't think there was enough Neville overall, but man! did he get to do some cool stuff! I don't think there was a single heroic moment in the entire book that was as awesome and perfect as Neville beheading the snake with the Sword of Gryffindor. Go Neville!

Hopes Five and Six: I did stay up and read, and nothing gave away the ending until I read it.

I will admit, I had never really come around on the "Harry is a horcrux" theory. My bad. Who knew you could accidentally make a horcrux? Voldemort sure didn't. Which brings me to my next point . . .

Wasn't Voldemort Dumber Than You Thought He Would Be?
He was certainly dumber than he thought he would be. I mean, he just counted on his whole idea and all his hiding places being WAY too good for anybody to be able to defeat him? And as Ron pointed out, he couldn't even put it together that anybody had ever found the Room of Requirement when confronte with a room filled with a whole bunch of discarded stuff.

I'm not complaining, really. It made the book funnier than it could have been that Voldemort kept having these, "Crap! No WAY!" experiences. And, of course, made it more plausible for Harry to beat him.

The Deaths
As usual, I felt that J.K. let us off easy--at least as compared to my expectations. A lot of characters I felt were high-risk made it: Neville, McGonagall, and especially Hagrid.

Moody, I felt, was not that big a surprise. The way he died made a lot of sense for the character (especially if you think of the parallel between how Harry left Privet Drive in Book 7 with how he did in Book 5; a bunch of Aurors coming to his kitchen and taking off with him to a safe place--and the first time Moody was all serious about the possibility of death, though no one else was.)

I was also unsurprised that a Weasley died. (There are a lot of them, y'know?) It's still awfully sad, since poor George will have to be a solo act* for the rest of his life.

Also sad, but still not all that shocking, were Tonks and Lupin. But it's nice that before they went, they were happy together and with their turquoise-etc-haired baby. And at least turquoise-etc-haired baby seems to have a nicer caregiver-grandmother than Neville had, and a less incarcerated godfather than Harry did.

Oh, and Snape. I didn't mention in my guess list, but Snape was clearly toast.

Dobby dying was kind of weird. I thought the only kind-of-off part of the book was the whole Malfoy Manor debacle--it just didn't seem to gel as well as the rest of the plot. And Dobby seemingly randomly showing up (I know it was explained, but it was still strangely jarring) and then immediately getting killed . . . I dunno.

Ergo, the one death that surprised and resonated with me? Hedwig. I didn't see it coming, and I didn't see it coming that soon. Poor owl.

*tasteless joke: just like his ear.

A Ponderance
How in the world will they make this into a movie?

Now, I'm no screenwriter, but the book seems to me to have a very film-unfriendly story structure, especially when the climactic Battle of Hogwarts is interrupted by two very long interludes--Snape Loved Lily All Along and Harry in the Afterlife. Very puzzling.

I sure hope they're able to keep in enough of Snape Loved Lily All Along for Alan Rickman to do justice to it.

Ron and Hermione
So, at last, on the 625th page of the seventh book, Ron and Hermione kiss. That . . . really took awhile.

But at least it finally happened.

And, of course, they get married and have babies, and even though I don't think it's explicitly said, I'm choosing to believe that their hair is both bushy and red.

And They All Lived Happily Ever After
I could see how some people would find the ending trite--everybody marries their school sweethearts and has adorable babies and happy family friendships. But I think it's great.

I think I would have liked more details on what ended up happening to everybody, and for instance, what any of them were doing for a living, but the epilogue would to have been much less narrative in style. I guess it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

Also, since J. K. didn't officially rule it out in the text of the book, I get to decide that Neville and Luna end up getting married. Yay!

Overall
It was very very good. I got everything I wanted to know out of it, and--even though it could easily have been bogged down by needed to be the darkest book of a dark series--it wasn't so heavy and dramatic that I felt like killing myself once it was over or indeed, at any time during the story. Well done, J. K. Rowling. This is why you're a billionaire.


What did you guys think? Click here to read more . . .

HARRY POTTER!: post three; 100% spoiler-free!

Mad props go out to the Madison West Side Barnes and Noble, because they really had their poop in a group last night. They herded, I don't know, a thousand people? (the highest number I actually heard was 700, but I think that was just one point in a very very long line) with extreme competance and efficiency through their gigantic store to their 8 registers. Well done on that front, Barnes and Noble.

Mad derision likewise goes out to the Madison West Side Barnes and Noble, for not letting me have one of the boxes that the book came in. For one thing, I have a box from Half-Blood Prince, so I really wanted one. For another thing, they had, like, a million of them. I would have been doing them a favor, really.

The store had activities set up, but they were not aimed at my demographic. The gentleman caller and I arrived there around 9, as we had been advised to get there early. You know, because of the craziness. And it was indeed already crazy in there. But we looked around, scouted the location where we'd be expected to pre-line up (there was a big pink sign for 450-500, and his Golden Bracelet said 469), and decided to go see if the mall was still open. As it was not, we ate a nice meal at Chili's before heading back to the, you know, craziness. And it had gotten crazier. The phrase "sea of humanity" could not be used amiss. More mad props go to the Madison West Side Barnes and Noble, therefore, for being enormous.* Well done again.

I think my favorite "activity" (out of, remember, slim competiton) was the countdown to the rolling out of the books. People were jazzed counting down those last thirty seconds, man. I suppose I'll call the costume contest my second favorite, because the guy who won was an outstanding Mad-Eye Moody. I wish I had brought my tiny pink camera, just for him. (I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that he would have dressed up that way whether the contest existed or not.)

Then, when I got home, I read the book.

I guess clandestine reading after hours when I was younger stood me in good stead. I didn't eat or drink anything, not even caffeine; I didn't take breaks; I just sat in my chair and read that book. (It took until a little after 8 a.m., if you're curious.)

Now, not to go on and on and on about my gentleman caller, but: when I stayed up all night to read Half-Blood Prince two summers ago, the worst thing was that I couldn't talk to anybody about it the next day. And it was so good and so exciting that it was pretty much all I wanted to talk about it, but of course no one I knew was done. And I surely wasn't to give out spoilers against anyone's will, because that's evil. I wouldn't ruin a single detail of a new Harry Potter book for my own worst enemy. Anyway, the point is, my gentleman caller is also the type to stay up all night to read Harry Potter, so we got to go over all the cool stuff today. Awesome.

Also, I intend to go over the book tomorrow in this space. But don't worry, I'll put big old warnings all over it. Like I said, I wouldn't intentionally spoil Harry Potter, much less the last Harry Potter, for my worst enemy.

Not that I really have worst enemies, like some boy wizards I could name.




*At one time, not too long ago, I would have used "ginormous" here. But its being recognized by Webster's dictionary takes all the fun out of it. Click here to read more . . .

HARRY POTTER!: post two

This is pretty amusing. (I wouldn't too strongly advise going looking on youtube for more Potter Puppet Pals, though, as this is by far the best one.)

Props for this go out to Lesley, who sent me the link in the first place.

Click here to read more . . .

Things I am Excited about Besides HARRY POTTER!

In an effort to be a smidgen well-rounded (and to prove to you, my readers, that I am), I have compiled a list of things other than HARRY POTTER! about which I am enthusiastic at the moment.

1. The grade of A that I got for the first half of my Latin summer course--and only three more weeks to go! Huzzah!

2. The dozen roses my gentleman caller gave me today. For no particular reason, no less.
(Try not to be too jealous, ladies.)

(And they're way up on that bookshelf so Cat #2 can't get to them/eat them/knock them over for sport. He wants to. He wants to bad.

Look at him, all angry.)

3. My Netflix queue. I just finished season one of The Closer--which, if anyone is curious, is very very good--and so, naturally, next up is The Closer, season two, disc one, on which the first two episodes guest star . . .

. . .

!!!

William Daniels!

Oh man. That is going to be great.

4. College football season!

What? I saw an Athlon college football preview magazine today, meaning that it is totally reasonable for me to being getting pumped. I mean, for heaven's sake, it's only 43 days, 16 hours, and 51 minutes til the first Aggie game!

2007 Kick-Off CountDown

And now, I have a 5: That I was able to post that sweet kickoff countdown! I am, like, a freaking html genius! (If you ignore the pointless grey space. And how hard is that, really? Especially when you notice the sweet modifications I made to the one on the sidebar. I'm so proud of me!) Click here to read more . . .