O hai guyz!

Well, I was gonna do a Monday Monarch Moment yesterday, since it was Monday and all. But I went into work an hour and a half before we opened, which meant I cleared out the bookdrop closet (I'm a terrible estimator, but I'm going to say there we 500 books, DVDs, etc. that I gathered up off the floor and stacked in bins and carts to check them in. Mondays are crazy). And then I had an eight-hour shift, which I know is not a terrible hardship, but it's a lot easier to go home at 1:00 than at 4:00 when you are so tired you could just puke. I hope my co-workers didn't get annoyed by my continual heavy sighing from 3:00 to 4:00.

So then I was going to an almost-Monday Monarch Moment today. But then I went grocery shopping. I was still tired and it took me a long time to convince myself to go. Here's the thing: there's this grocery store and its name is Woodman's. I have been known to call it magical Woodman's, because it is one impressive grocery store. It's huge, it has everything, and it's so cheap. However, because it's so awesome, everyone knows it's awesome. Woodman's at 2:00 on a Tuesday is like WalMart at 5:00 on a Saturday. I've never been to Woodman's at 5:00 on a Saturday because I am too terrified to try. So I was just dreading going today. And then it occurred to me: I didn't have to go to Woodman's! I could go to the more expensive, less conveniently located grocery store! I did, and at 2:00 on a Tuesday at Copp's, there were like four other people there. It was like grocery shopping in Heaven.

Also, I finally got us some reusable grocery bags! I wouldn't have cared particularly, except that one other flaw of Woodman's is that the paper bags don't have handles. That's just stupid. I can carry exactly one (1) handle-less paper grocery bag at a time. Well, without being in constant fear of dropping everything. I saw a big stand of reusable bags, but they didn't look good. There were little canvas one and medium-size plastic ones. I was unimpressed. But then I walked down a freezer aisle, and they had some bags displayed along the top--the medium ones and then some big ol' green canvas ones. ("Ooh!" I thought.) I walked back across the store, for back by the peanut butter, there had been a friendly grocery man. I asked him a leading question: whether the big green display bags were on sale somewhere else. As I had hoped, the friendly grocery man not only OK'd my buying the display bags, but reached up there to get three down for me. And then he even showed me how they fold up into cute little 6" by 6" squares! Thank you, friendly grocery man!

Then, once I got home, instead of Monarch Momenting, I made bierocks! (Bierocks = a delicious food of Volga German origin. It goes like this: make some bread dough--my granny's butterhorn roll recipe for preference; brown some hamburger; cook some cabbage [I usually boil it, but I tried cooking it in a frying pan with olive oil today and it worked very well]; mix the hamburger and cabbage and season with salt and pepper; wrap dough around a pile of cabbage beef; bake; cover with butter!) Bierocks are just as delicious as they are time-consuming to make, which is to say very.

And now I'm watching Project Runway (oh, Season 4, you're so wonderful)!

So perhaps there will be a Monarch Moment tomorrow but clearly, I shouldn't promise anything. Click here to read more . . .

A Fascinating Tale from my Daily Adventures

I impulse-bought a ruler today!

I was in this odd little shop in the student union (it's like, 30 square feet of t-shirts, candy, and tampons by the each [which I find suspicious, as I doubt those are "labeled for individual sale"]) to buy a pen--I'd left all my black pens at home and it was no good trying to compose biting analysis on works about SirFrancis Bacon in light blue ink--when I saw rulers in amongst the school supplies.

I've been without a ruler for nigh on a year now. I accidentally destroyed my faithful neon orange ruler, which I had had since fifth grade (explaining why it was neon orange; fourth and fifth grades were my neon colors phase) sometime last spring/summer. It was a devastating loss, as I am sure you can imagine.

So now I have a brand-new non-neon-orange ruler. And also some pens which, despite being clickytop in design, do not make a real clicking noise. I find this disconcerting, although I admit that it may stop me from inadvertently annoying the people around me. I can't help it; I get fidgety when I'm writing in the library.

(Clicka-clicka-clicka. Pause. Clicka. Pause. Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.)

Also, I totally saw a guy who looked like Mike Sherman on the Terrace. Click here to read more . . .

I'm a Pawn

I stopped in at Walgreens' today to buy some gum. I perused their many, many choices and finally settled on Extra Sugar-Free, watermelon flavor.

Why? Because they product-placement it all the time on The Biggest Loser. And it worked.

I'm so ashamed.

(It is pretty good gum, though.) Click here to read more . . .

A Sonic Story

A few weeks ago, Neal and I were extremely excited to see that there was a Sonic being built in Middleton. Up until then, the greater Madison area had been distressingly Sonic-free, a problem comparable to the dire lack of Chick-Fil-A. Little did we know that our elation was nothing next to that of native Madisonians.

The first time we drove past Sonic after it was open, every car port looked to be filled. And it was probably 15 degrees out.

The next time, we saw that the city had set up electronic traffic signs to direct people as to the correct way to reach the Sonic. (It's at an awkward point on the road where there's no traffic light to turn left into it.) Again, it was completely full.

Yesterday, we decided to drive out to Middleton to partake of onion rings and cream shakes, but we realized that we shouldn't go at a peak time, especially on a warmish day. We waited until about 2:00. So we drove out there, followed the signs, paid attention to all the orange cones, and turned on the appropriate street. That's when we saw a sign that said "GET PASSES HERE." As we turned onto this little residential street about a block from the Sonic, we saw that there were cars lined up, waiting to get a pass from a guy with one of those county-fair-parking sticks. You had to wait in line (behind, at this point in the afternoon, seven or eight cars) to get a pass so you could then drive down to the Sonic parking lot and wait there until another county-fair-style-parking guy allowed you to move into a car port once one was finally vacated. YEAH. There's a whole system to get people in and out of the Sonic because there are SO MANY people who are desperate for Sonic.

I hope this story accurately conveys how crazy the Middle Sonic situation is.

We went to Culver's instead. Click here to read more . . .

DOCTOR FACTS

TRUE FACT: today was the first time in three years that I went to the doctor and it was not raining. I think it was because it's also the first time in three years that I went a doctor I had been to before. Because nothing is more fun than driving around trying to find an unfamiliar place in the rain.

ALSO A FACT: it was just a checkup. The Nurse Practitioner (I like Nurse Practitioners, don't you? They're just as good as doctors but are generally friendly middle-aged ladies) talked me into getting a tetanus booster (although word on the street is that if I step on a nail, they would give me another one of that same shot whether I'd been boosted or not). When the nurse (Original Style Nurse, not NP) came in to give me the shot, she asked if I had an arm preference, since some soreness could be expected. I said it might as well be the left. But then! I got some blood taken, and I gave the new nurse (a man-nurse named "Romeo") my right arm, since my left arm had just gotten boosted. Note: This was a mistake. My right arm hurt all day long, especially when I was trying to write or carry stuff whilst I experienced no soreness whatsoever in the left one. I am told (word on the street again) that the tetanus arm will start hurting tomorrow, so that should be rad.

SPECIAL BONUS FACT: "Hurt Feelings" from Season 2 of Flight of the Conchords is a great song. (Warning: one instance of strong language, but since they manage to rhyme it with "casserole"? Totally worth it.) I've listened to it and also "Leggy Blonde" (which I realized I had been underrating--dig those harmonies, yo [well, the harmonies and the scissors solo]!) like, 30 times. (That's actually my official estimate for the two combined. I bought them on iTunes!)

Click here to read more . . .

Things That Happened Today

We had brinner--breakfast for dinner. This involved pancakes. It was much more successful than last night's supper, which left me seriously pondering the likelihood of throwing it all back up. The only negative consequence of the pancakes was getting syrup on my pants. And that's much better than what usually happens with me and syrup, which is that I get it in my hair. (This happens much more often than it should to an adult woman.)

As I indicated in my Twitter, we bought a wall clock for the living room--finally. I hate wearing a watch at home (I have the same attitude toward shoes), so I was always craning around to see the time on the microwave. Heaven help me if the timer was on for laundry or something. Now I will always know the times! (Caveat: the ticking is incredibly loud. Vegas is running odds as to whether by the end of the week, I will have gotten used to it or thrown it frisbee-style into the road to be crushed repeatedly by buses.)

Also, I was going to tell you more about the red coat I have mentioned in Tha Twitta, but it doesn't make sense to go on and on and on and on about how great I think it is without any pictures, and my cell phone takes terrible pictures. Other avenues of bringing you photographic evidence of the hottness of my coat also failed. Consider this topic pending.

I thought about doing a post about how it's really weird that such a large proportion of our recent presidents have been left-handed, but the topic has been really thoroughly covered. So you got this instead. What's important is: the streak continues! Click here to read more . . .

1 for 6

As usual, I got turned down to donate blood today. My "iron" was too "low" or something. I'm sorry my 11.8 hemoglobin level doesn't meet your "standards," American Red Cross.

As most of you know, this is the latest in my string of failures to share the gift of life.* Had I not successfully emptied myself of a bag of blood that one time a couple years ago, I would be just about ready to give up by now.

The moral of the story: eat more steak.

(I love it when stories have delicious morals.)

*Once because I wasn't sure what I weighed, once because my heart rate was two beats per minute too fast, once because I wasn't absolutely sure that I weighed enough--without shoes, and now twice because of the dumb old iron thing. And this doesn't even count all the honorary failures when I didn't even bother to try because of the weight deal. Discrimination, I tell ya. Click here to read more . . .

Something Wonderful Happened This Weekend

We got a couch!

My roommate and I have long wandered in a wilderness of couchlessness, but all that is now behind us. We found a couch at the furniture store two doors down, and it's big, smooshy, comfortable, and ugly--in short, it's perfect.

It has even brought our cats closer together.

My estimate is that this couch will improve my life by approximately 15%.

Click here to read more . . .