A Review of Shrek the Third

I went and saw Shrek the Third today with my gentleman caller. I made sure to read plenty of reviews (well, one thing that showed up on my Google News, in addition to the valuable resource that is Rotten Tomatoes), so I didn't set my expectations very high.

Here's the scoop: for a kids' movie, it's fine. It's solidly OK. There are some amusing gags--the seven lines John Cleese has are quite entertaining, and there are some ADORABLE ogre babies [no image available].

For a Dreamworks movie, it's pretty lackluster.

For a Shrek movie, it's--well, it's unacceptable.

I'm a big Shrek fan, as you may know. I love Shreks 1 and 2 (I remember them especially fondly for when they got me through my second throwing-out-my-back episode). They're so good. And 3 just isn't. The plot(s) are thin, the new characters are annoying, the old characters are cliches, and the storytelling is heavy-handed. And you know what? There are barely any pop culture references. I mean, it's a Shrek movie! You'd think if they were going to boil it down to anything, it would be a string of movie take-offs. Sure, there are one or two in there, but come ON. However, it's the clumsy storytelling that really started to annoy me, once I thought about it. Remember in the first Shrek, how hard a time Shrek had bonding with Donkey? Well, he goes through the same thing with Justin Timberlake, except five times as fast, four times as beat-you-over-the-head obviously, and with three times as much cloying dialogue. Plus, the movie as a whole doesn't gel; there are three main threads that seem like they just happen to be in the same movie. There are episodes of South Park with better-thought-out story arcs than this.

And here's another thing: Fiona bands together with a bunch of fairytale princesses, and they, like, go and fight; girl power, woo hoo. But if the film cares about girl power, why does the throne get left to either Shrek or Justin Timberlake? I guess Far Far Away has Salic Law, because (hello!) Fiona is the king's own daughter. Stupid sexist movie, assuming the throne ought to go to Shrek instead.

In conclusion--wait for it to come out on DVD. And don't be in a huge rush to rent it, even then.