Keeping Up With My Correspondence

Dear Bus People,

I worry about you. Why do you so often reek of alcohol at 10 o'clock in the morning? You may need to get some help. (And I definitely need to start sitting towards the front of the bus.)

Love,
Rachel

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Dear Avril Lavigne,

We need to talk about your current single, "Girlfriend." I enjoy it, I must admit. It's very catchy, what with the cheerleadery, Oh-Mickey-you're-so-fine-you're-so-fine-you-blow-my-mind-Hey-Mickey!-esque feel. But here's the thing. I know you're only 22, but you're a married lady now. Haven't you outgrown lyrics like "Hell yeah, I'm the *#^%!&~{@>#* princess"? Not to mention "She's like so whatever"? Maybe it's all ironic and I'm just not getting it. However, I'm thinking that the Fug Girls are right, and you're just sleepwalking through being the same old Avril.

I like you, Avril. I know not everyone would agree with me, but I think you've got some talent and, dare I say it, a lot of potential yet to use. But you can't keep being the same angry teenage girl forever, honey. Embrace change! Grow! And stop pretending you're still 17, because it's only going to get sadder from here on out.

Love,
Rachel

P.S. None of this means that I'm not going to buy your song on iTunes immediately after I post this correspondence. Because I am. This advice is about your best interests, not mine.