Here's the thing about . . .

. . . Ellen on American Idol. I can't imagine her and Simon Cowell in the same room together. Much less on the same show, much less sitting next to each other on the judging panel and interacting. It's just weird. They're opposites, and not in the way that Simon and Paula are opposites, where it's like they're opposite sides of the same coin. It's not black vs. white opposite where it's two versions of the same thing, it's like table vs. the abstract concept of human dignity opposite, where they really have nothing in common. I mean, I feel like the only thing Ellen and Simon would have in common is agreement on the hotness of Portia di Rossi. And seriously, who would that exclude? (What? I'm just saying, Portia di Rossi is objectively very pretty.) It's going to be weird.







. . . Jon Gosselin. Not since Britney have we seen someone so utterly destroy natural public opinion in favor of them against their ex. Nobody liked Kate, she's mean. (Although I never liked Jon, either. Their relationship reminds me of that line from Knocked Up: "You think that just because you don't yell, that you're not mean." Jon was just passive-aggressively mean. [While Kate is aggressively mean.]) So you would have assumed that when (not if, when--those two were never a good couple, and I don't believe for a second that it was the fame that ruined their marriage; it was pre-ruined) they broke up, everybody would sympathize with Jon. But no! Jon has gone out of his way to be a sleazeball, to the extent that TLC dumped him, announcing they were changing the show to Kate Plus Eight. But now, COINCIDENTALLY, Jon has decided that having their lives filmed is harmful to his kids, and he's not going to allow it.

I hope that TLC throws up their hands and gives in to him, ending the show. This is an instance where the ends justify the means--yes, Jon is just continuing to be a petty, self-centered sleaze, but it's worth indulging his fit if it means that those poor little moppets don't have to be on TV all the time anymore. It's just not good for them.

. . . Jerrod Johnson. In case you didn't see my link on Facebook, here it is again: I really want you to read this story about Jerrod, even if you're not an Aggie football fan. It'll warm your heart, I promise. Anyway, the Facebook link got me into a couple minor debates, which I will elaborate on here. They are both on the same subject: do Jerrod's current stats mean anything? Here are the stats in question:

Comparisons? He averages twice as many passing yards (320.3 to 160.7) as Tebow.

He has three times more rushing yards (196 to 61), more rushing touchdowns (4 to 1) and a higher passer rating (167.0 to 150.9) than McCoy.

He's thrown more touchdown passes (9), with a higher completion percentage (67.5), than Ryan Mallett, Jacory Harris and Terrelle Pryor.

He averages more total offense per game (385.6) than Taylor Potts, Jimmy Clausen and Todd Reesing. His passer rating is higher than Case Keenum's, Zac Robinson's and Max Hall's. He accounts for more points per game (26.0) than any other player in America. He ranks in the top 11 nationally in every passing category, as well as in total offense (third behind quarterbacks Greg Alexander of Hawaii and Case Keenum of Houston).

. . . And in just three games in 2009, Johnson has accounted for 1,157 yards, rushed for those four touchdowns, passed for nine and thrown zero interceptions. Zero. He has started just 13 games in his collegiate career, but is on pace to obliterate long-standing Aggies records.

Now, since all these impressive numbers have been put up against decided non-powerhouses New Mexico, Utah State, and the University of Alabama-Birmingham, can they really be meaninful? My answer, in response to some "no"s, is a cautious "yes."

First of all, since it's so early in the season, many of the quarterbacks Jerrod's being compared to have also played easy schedules. Yes, Colt McCoy has played Texas Tech, but he's also Louisana-Monroe, Wyoming, and UTEP. Tim Tebow had to play Tennessee's tough defense, and down-year but SEC-member Kentucky, but he also got to rack up numbers against Charleston Southern and Troy. Case Keenum has had much tougher opponents than Jerrod, but Greg Alexander has faced teams just as weak as Jerrod has.

Secondly, if you compare how the Aggies' three opponents have done against their other opponents, the Aggies still seem to look pretty good. Unfortunately for this exercise, only one member of this group of "opponents' opponents" is also a member of the set of "teams the Aggies could aspire to be like," and that's Utah. Utah won't have another undefeated season this year, but they're pretty good; after last week's loss to Oregon, they're no longer ranked, but are still receiving votes in both polls. Utah and Texas A&M have both played Utah State. The Utes put up 519 total yards with 286 yards passing. Their quarterback, Terrance Cain, threw two touchdowns and one interception. The Aggies put up 573 total yards with 322 yards passing; Jerrod threw four touchdown passes and no interceptions. I know that Terrance Cain isn't in the Heisman discussion. I'm not saying that these stats mean a lot, I'm just saying that they don't mean nothing.

Finally, and most importantly for me, Jerrod's (and by extension, the Aggies') excellent offensive numbers at least mean that the Ags are far beyond where they were last year. Last year, the opening loss to Arkansas State defined the whole season. It showed that the Ags couldn't be relied upon to beat the little guys, much less avoid embarrassment at the hands of the big guys. This year is already different. Beating up on the little guys doesn't mean we'll beat any of the big guys, but in instills a legitimate hope that we won't get humiliated playing the likes of t.u. and Oklahoma. Right now, that and having a shot at a bowl berth are all I'm really hoping for.