Third Molars

Tomorrow, I get my wisdom teeth yanked right out of my head.

People keep asking me whether I'm nervous, and before yesterday, my answer was "no." These teeth have taken it in turns to be slightly-to-very annoying for a sporadic week or two at a time for the last few years, and it will be nice not to deal with the occasional problems. So awesome! Getting my wisdom teeth yanked out of my head!

But then yesterday, I watched The Wisdom Tooth Video. This is a "service" provided by my oral surgeon--just go to their website and watch an educational film strip about your upcoming surgery! Of course, there's a whole section about "problems and concerns," which warns you that you may get dry socket, or a breach between your mouth and your sinus, or damage to your mouth's primary nerve--maybe even permanent damage! It doesn't help that the video emphasizes that these problems are more likely and more severe the longer one waits to get one's "third molars" out. (As you age, the roots of your teeth get longer and longer, leaving bigger and bigger holes in your head once they're gone.)

So you may be asking, as one of the librarians I work with did, "Aren't you supposed to get those out when you're a kid? Like, an old kid?" And the answer is, why yes. Yes you are.

Here's what happened: I went to the dentist when I was, let's say 16 (it was in that general era, anyway). This visit was during the very brief window when my Trusted Childhood Dentist had taken on a partner in his practice, and I happened to get seen by the new guy. This new guy checked out my x-rays and suggested that even though my wisdom teeth weren't close to the surface yet, I should get them surgically removed. He even made an appointment for me with an oral surgeon, during the summer so I wouldn't even have to miss any school. Now, you're probably not seeing why this plan didn't come together, but that's because I haven't mentioned two important factors. First of all, we hadn't heard of getting wisdom teeth out that early before. (It turned out that several people in my class ended up getting the procedure done, but they all ended up puking from the anesthetic, and since I was in the midst of my vomit-free streak [11 years, that's right, 11 years without throwing up], I was just as glad I'd avoided it.)

Reason #2 was that New Dentist Guy did not . . . project trustworthiness. That is to say, he both looked and comported himself like a thirteen-year-old. And during the same visit, he advised me to get my teeth whitened because, and I quote, "With that hair and those eyes! Oh! Melrose Place!" (I should probably mention that he had the aura of a cartoonishly-super-gay thirteen-year-old. I was basically getting dental advice from Justin on Ugly Betty.)

So we bailed on my teeth-out appointment, and I just never bothered to make a new one. When my teeth first started to grow in, I mentioned it to a hygenist, and he said, "Eh, they're growing in straight." And my Trusted Childhood Dentist (for he and the young one parted ways very quickly) didn't really bring it up.

Then about a month ago, I had The Worst Canker Sore There Ever Was, Ever. Because, despite the he-genist's assurances, upper righty was growing right out into my cheek and scraping my cheek and allowing the canker germs to flourish. So I found a local dentist and, to my surprise, he did not think it was stupid to go to the dentist about a canker sore, and he wrote me a note to give to an oral surgeon to get my wisdom teeth yanked out of my head.

And now we've come full circle. And I'm getting kind of nervous, not just because of sinuses and nerves and dry socket, but because this is my first surgery ever, you guys. I've never had anesthesia before. How do I know if I'll have some sort of adverse reaction? And one of my friends was telling me today that she had a bad time with her wisdom tooth recovery because she couldn't handle the pain meds. I've never had serious pain meds before either! Also, I am totally going to look a like a chipmunk for the next two days! I don't know if I'm prepared for chipmunkism, much less getting chemically passed out for a while and waking up with parts of my mouth missing and drowning the pain for a few days with still more mysterious chemicals.

One thing I know for sure is that I'm not watching that video again.