Thursday, March 5, 2009

OH NO

I just saw that Laura Prepon is going to guest star on How I Met Your Mother next week. Whenever I catch some That '70s Show (there's nothing else on at 5:30), I marvel at how bad an actress she is.

In fact, Laura Prepon is an important element of an idea I've been developing: The Actress Scale. I wanted to think of a way to describe how good/not good Eliza Dushku is in Dollhouse (I said a 4.5 to a 5 at the time, but she and the show have gotten better since the pilot--FYI. She hit a girl with a folding chair last week, and I laughed and laughed.) It's not quite enough just to say, "On a scale of 1 to 10." So I figure each number should have an actress assigned to it to make it easier to pinpoint other actresses.

(Obviously, this could apply to/there could be one for actors as well, but that happened not to be the context in which I conceived of the idea. So there you go.)

Let's say a 10 is Meryl Streep--maybe there's a better example, I'm not sure. I think I'm still impressed by a clip I saw of Doubt on some late night show. It was a scene with her and Amy Adams; it started with Amy Adams being all emotional and trembly and clearly acting her little heinie off. But then Meryl spoke up and made Amy look like a moron, because Meryl wasn't acting, she just was a grumpy old nun.

The value of 0, I believe, should be assigned to that horrible blonde ADA from Law and Order: The Mothership. You know--"Is this because I'm a lesbian?" That woman is an acting-free zone. Just nothing going on in there.

And that brings us back to Laura Prepon. Based on her work in That '70s Show, I'd make her the representative of 1. She's incrementally better than Terrible Blonde from Law and Order, but not enough better to make it all the way to 2.

Anyhoodle, I haven't bothered to come up with anybody else for the scale. Do you have any suggestions? Any hopes that Laura Prepon has gotten better and won't ruin Monday's episode of HIMYM?

8 comments:

Chestertonian Rambler said...

Re. your twitter:

Craig referenced Vincent frickin' Price? He's like, my second favorite Radio Star. (After, of course, Dick Powell.) I didn't think anyone else even knew his name!

I *really* wish Craig came on at an earlier time. He's the one celebrity who, just when you think he couldn't get any cooler, does!

Robert said...

On Amy Adams, based on the work I have seen her do, I suggest her as a representative for 8. She is a good actress, but is not the best actress ever. I think it depends on the role she is in on how seamless she is.

Craig said...

I can't decide if Angelina Jolie should be at 8 or 9.

Rachel said...

CR: I thought that Vincent Price was moderately well known, if only for parodies of his persona on cartoons and such. And Craig Ferguson is awesome. He had Desmond Tutu on the other night and he was SO JAZZED. It was adorable.

Robert: I can't tell with Amy Adams. I've only seen her in Enchanted and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day--she was good, but the nature of both those roles was being cartoonishly cutesy. Maybe I should actually watch Doubt?

Craig: I'm not sure--I'd guess 8 at most, but come to think of it, I haven't seen her in a whole lot of stuff. She definitely beats out Jennifer Aniston, though, who should be a six. She's competent and has good comedic timing, but she never takes on challenging roles.

Anonymous said...

I suggest Epatha Merkerson; sorry; S. Epatha Merkerson would be an 8; the blond chick deserves some kind of scale involving negative numbers.

AVH said...

I think Angelina Jolie does not qualify for said list.

I've been liking Kate Winslett a lot lately, she seems to be able to cover a variety of roles/accents. I'd call her an 8.

Jodie Foster is pretty good, maybe even a 9? Can't decided between 8 and 9. Jodie Foster has seniority, though.

Reese Witherspoon also greatly impresses me, but gets type cast as a ditz a lot, too. I'd give her a 7, even though she sings a mean Wildwood Flower.

I'd give a 2 to any actress on 7th Heaven, besides Jessica Biel. Maybe even a 1...they suck pretty bad.

Then maybe round out 2 to 3 with Beverly Hills 90210 actresses...Tori Spelling and Shannon Doherty most notably.

Fill in the middle with a variety of boring yet not horrible people. That's my take!

Robert said...

The reason I moved Amy Adams up the list is actually for her role in Talladega Nights. Nothing like anything I had seen her in before, and she was a completely different person. It rocked.

Rachel said...

AVH: In my mind, there's a bit of a logjam at the top with Streep, Winslet, and Foster. I don't know who among them should be 10, 9, or maybe 8. Or maybe they should all be 9s and 10s and we give 8 to Reese Witherspoon--she's pretty great.

I agree about 2-3 being CW-type actresses. The mid range could be taken up by sitcom actresses, I bet.

Maybe Olivia Wilde from House could be a 4. She's not very good.