Prince William!
I just received this email, and deemed it true:
Lesley Skousen
to me
6:32 pm (24 minutes ago)
Emergency boyfriend spotlight is NECESSARY!!!!
http://entertainment.bodogbeat.com/prince-william-and-kate-middleton-split-66810.html
omg omg omg omg
http://entertainment.bodogbeat.com/prince-william-and-kate-middleton-split-66810.html
omg omg omg omg
You see, I wrote off Prince William some months ago, believing the media's take that it was only a matter of time before he made Kate Middleton Princess Katherine, first former middle-class future Queen of England. But since they've broken up, the stage is set for the triumphant introduction of Princess Rachel, first Kansan future Queen of England. Oh my gosh, this is going to be awesome.
I mean, sure, the media pressure is going to be pretty intense, but if it gets to be too much, I can always take a break by going home to Bison. Because I don't care how hardcore the British tabloid press is--they're not going to follow me there.
Besides, it's not all about the title, and the fortune, and the giving birth to little future King Henry IX or wee future Queen Victoria II--no! It's also about how William is hot.
OK, and I hear he's smart and I bet he's sweet and funny, too. But most importantly, we have a connection, man. NO American girls knew who he was back in 1995, but I did. People Magazine ran a cover story about him and his brother, and I got pretty sure I was going to marry that guy. I even cut out one of his pictures and took it to school with me, all "Look at this boy, isn't he the cutest?" He was 13 and I was 12 and it was perfect. All I had to do was go to England, meet him, and allow him to fall in love with me. I don't even have to update that! It's a foolproof plan. FOOLPROOF.
So maybe that's not the whole plan. Maybe it involves me meeting him somewhere historical, and striking up a conversation with him, letting him know that I do know who he is, but playing
it off all cool, like I meet famous people every day and it's no big thing. And then we'd get to talking about his ancestors and I'd be all, "Henry VII is my favorite" and he'd be all, "That's so original and charming; let's make out" and I'd be all, "Hey, you should at least buy me a drink first/maybe we should go somewhere besides this abbey" and he'd be all, "Oh, quite," because he'd say "quite" all the time because I bet they all know American girls love that. And eventually he'd be all, "I think you should meet my Nan. Should we go and see her?" and I'd be all, "Yes, let's!" and even though she wouldn't expect to like me, what with my being an American upstart and all, I would soon win her over with my unassuming charm and she'd give us her blessing and we'd all live happily ever after.
it off all cool, like I meet famous people every day and it's no big thing. And then we'd get to talking about his ancestors and I'd be all, "Henry VII is my favorite" and he'd be all, "That's so original and charming; let's make out" and I'd be all, "Hey, you should at least buy me a drink first/maybe we should go somewhere besides this abbey" and he'd be all, "Oh, quite," because he'd say "quite" all the time because I bet they all know American girls love that. And eventually he'd be all, "I think you should meet my Nan. Should we go and see her?" and I'd be all, "Yes, let's!" and even though she wouldn't expect to like me, what with my being an American upstart and all, I would soon win her over with my unassuming charm and she'd give us her blessing and we'd all live happily ever after.Like I said, it's FOOLPROOF.
6 comments:
If I have to pay for his relatives to come over here for the ceremony, then Will's Pop and Nan are flying coach!!
TOTALLY FOOLPROOF!
His friends call him "Wills" btw, and I hear he likes killing things a whoooooole lot.
This post absolutely made my day. If your plan works, and it will because it's FOOLPROOF, I expect to be invited to do a reading at the wedding because that would only be fair.
1. The way it sounds, you're better off trying to meet him in a club instead of a historic site.
2. I bet it would be painful to be thisclose to joining the royal family, only to have this happen. Whoever she marries now is going to be a disappointment.
3. I think there are too many Henrys. You should name your royal son John. There's only been one of those.
Craig, I have decided to address your third point in its own post, so stay tuned.
Tina . . . yes. In fact, I still feel so guilty, I'd probably let you do TWO readings.
And if Wills's Pop and Nan came to Kansas for the ceremony, where would they stay? The Green Acres Motel in LaCrosse?
If we give them enough notice, the people at the Green Acres will be able fumigate before HRH arrives.
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