A Tudor Memo

From the desk of Henry the Eighth, by the Grace of God, King of England and France, Defender of the Faith and Lord of Ireland

25 June 1530


Hey everyone,

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend. Casual Friday sure was a hoot, wasn't it? However, some of us took things a bit too far (I won't name names, but someone whose name rhymes with Bardinal Folsey should have kept his tights on under his pantaloons), so Casual Friday is being discontinued in perpetuity.

But on to business.

I know that this whole "divorce" thing has been keeping us very busy for quite a while. Would I have liked to have it all settled by now? Sure. Am I pointing fingers at people who haven't been working hard enough on this? Absolutely not. (Although someone whose name rhymes with Tardinal Molsey was apparently exaggerating how tight he was with the Pope. Not that it matters; really, it's all water under the bridge.)

Fortunately, I've found a solution. Of course, I don't mean to brag, but this idea I've come up with is quite a doozy. (It's amazing what my mind can do when I just sit and really think about things, isn't? First my Assertio, and now this. If you don't mind me saying so, wow. Just wow.)

Are you ready?

Wait for it . . .

Bigamy.

It's great! Everybody wins! Catherine, who's been a valuable member of the team for 20 years now (notwithstanding God's obvious judgement for our connubial crimes against Him), gets to keep her position. She'll even get to split the arduous duties of queenship--which she's been a real sport about--with a, if you will, "buddy." Mary gets to stay my #1 gal. And, best of all, we can bring in a new, dynamic, fresh face who will, by the grace of God Almighty, bear me male issue.

I am--as always!--eager to hear your feedback. Don't worry, I've already been sending out feelers in various directions on the Continent. We should focus all of our attention on this, because I think it's a real winner!

Go get 'em, tigers!
HENRICUS OCTUS REX ANGLIAE

PS: I'm sure this goes without saying, but let's just keep this between ourselves on the Council for now. It's early days yet, so let's keep it quiet.


cc: Anne Boleyn