Keeping up with my Correspondence

Dear Grey's Anatomy,

Well, this isn't going to be easy, but I think we've both known this was coming for quite a while now. I . . . we . . . it's over between us. It just is.

Don't get me wrong, we had a lot of fun. Remember when George was a sweetie? And when Burke and Cristina were just starting their relationship? And when Bailey got lots of screen time and was constantly awesome? Those were good times. But, I've got to be honest with you, you've changed. It's all weird, dark, unbelievable drama with you now. It's all bizarre, too-quickly-paced relationship plots and none of the good old-fashioned hospital stuff. And nobody has fun anymore, Grey's Anatomy. Not the characters, and not me.

Your creator has told me the fun will be back next year, but I can't keep waiting around for promises I don't think you're going to keep.

I'll cherish your Season One and Two DVDs for a long time, but you're going to have to carry on with Season Four (and any other seasons you may get to do--word of friendly warning: I'm not sure how many that will be) without me.

Best wishes,
Rachel

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Dear Kelly Clarkson,

How do I put this? . . . You are SO AWESOME. I mean, who knew, after you won that dumb show, that you'd become a real/interesting singer? I love your new song* and I love that you wrote it yourself and I love that it's pure, unbridled anger. I mean, you know how I feel about Angry White Girl Music (LOVE IT), and I really think you're the reigning queen of the genre. (Don't tell Avril I said that. I think it would hurt her feelings. She'd try to hide it, but it would.)

I want to be you when I grow up.

Love,
Rachel

PS: I also love that you look like a real (albeit real cute) person. Well done on not weighing 85 pounds.

*
Click here to read more . . .

HUGE NEWS

HBO is filming. . .

deep breath, everyone . . .

a John Adams miniseries.

A John Adams miniseries!

This is the real thing, you guys. I mean, it's written by David McCullough, stars Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney, and is produced by Tom Hanks. Tom everlovin' Hanks! (But also, creepy David Morse plays George Washington. Weird.)

We'll all have to wait patiently to see it until 2008, unfortunately, but I bet it will totally be worth it.

And don't worry, I'll keep you posted as I find out more about it.

JOHN ADAMS MINISERIES! Click here to read more . . .

A Review of Amistad

Well, I know this movie came out 10 years ago (really!)--and for that matter, I got it from Netflix over a month ago--but I just got around to seeing it tonight. So here goes:

This is a pretty good movie. Turns out, Matthew McConaughey could act. I was surpised. Overall, it's a bit of a downer--what with it being about slavery and all--but it definitely has its moments.

Of course, part of the reason I like it is because of my avowed status as a history nerd. If you don't enjoy jokes at Martin Van Buren's expense, for example, you might not appreciate the movie quite as much. Which would be a shame, because there's a lot of mileage in making fun of Martin Van Buren.

Ooh, and then there's the whole reason I really wanted to see this movie: John Quincy Adams, baby! It's not every day that you come across a film featuring our sixth president in a major role. And he is played by none less than Anthony Hopkins. However, although Sir Anthony is a very fine actor, he does contribute to some of the unintentional humor of the film when on some occasions he seems to be giving JQA an Irish accent. Also, I think that when he asked the director what his motivation was, the director said something along the lines of, "OK, picture this: you're an old coot."

In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit it's a very talk-y movie (Blah blah blah freedom, blah blah blah executive branch shouldn't boss around the judicial, blah blah blah legal system loopholes, etc.). However, the movie opens with some good old-fashioned stabbing, so . . . something for everyone! I mean, I'm no Matthew McConaughey fan usually, but even I have to admit that he's pretty endearing with his charmingly twee glasses and white man's afro.

In short, 7 out of 10. Or B+. Whichever you prefer.

(I know that a 70% doesn't equate to a B+; I also don't care.)

Click here to read more . . .

Ah, Wisconsin

What I actually heard on one of those teaser commercials for the local news, regarding Madison's bratwurst festival:
"Tonight at 9: The cost of brats has jumped fifty cents since last year. Why the price hike could jeopardize beating the world record at Brat Fest!" Click here to read more . . .

Silly Google

I am often amused by the "Sponsored Links" that Google provides alongside my email messages. But today was the first time that I actually uttered a small cry of fright at one of them: "Bagpipes Ringtone." Click here to read more . . .

Keeping Up With My Correspondence

Dear Bus People,

I worry about you. Why do you so often reek of alcohol at 10 o'clock in the morning? You may need to get some help. (And I definitely need to start sitting towards the front of the bus.)

Love,
Rachel

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Dear Avril Lavigne,

We need to talk about your current single, "Girlfriend." I enjoy it, I must admit. It's very catchy, what with the cheerleadery, Oh-Mickey-you're-so-fine-you're-so-fine-you-blow-my-mind-Hey-Mickey!-esque feel. But here's the thing. I know you're only 22, but you're a married lady now. Haven't you outgrown lyrics like "Hell yeah, I'm the *#^%!&~{@>#* princess"? Not to mention "She's like so whatever"? Maybe it's all ironic and I'm just not getting it. However, I'm thinking that the Fug Girls are right, and you're just sleepwalking through being the same old Avril.

I like you, Avril. I know not everyone would agree with me, but I think you've got some talent and, dare I say it, a lot of potential yet to use. But you can't keep being the same angry teenage girl forever, honey. Embrace change! Grow! And stop pretending you're still 17, because it's only going to get sadder from here on out.

Love,
Rachel

P.S. None of this means that I'm not going to buy your song on iTunes immediately after I post this correspondence. Because I am. This advice is about your best interests, not mine. Click here to read more . . .

A Review of Shrek the Third

I went and saw Shrek the Third today with my gentleman caller. I made sure to read plenty of reviews (well, one thing that showed up on my Google News, in addition to the valuable resource that is Rotten Tomatoes), so I didn't set my expectations very high.

Here's the scoop: for a kids' movie, it's fine. It's solidly OK. There are some amusing gags--the seven lines John Cleese has are quite entertaining, and there are some ADORABLE ogre babies [no image available].

For a Dreamworks movie, it's pretty lackluster.

For a Shrek movie, it's--well, it's unacceptable.

I'm a big Shrek fan, as you may know. I love Shreks 1 and 2 (I remember them especially fondly for when they got me through my second throwing-out-my-back episode). They're so good. And 3 just isn't. The plot(s) are thin, the new characters are annoying, the old characters are cliches, and the storytelling is heavy-handed. And you know what? There are barely any pop culture references. I mean, it's a Shrek movie! You'd think if they were going to boil it down to anything, it would be a string of movie take-offs. Sure, there are one or two in there, but come ON. However, it's the clumsy storytelling that really started to annoy me, once I thought about it. Remember in the first Shrek, how hard a time Shrek had bonding with Donkey? Well, he goes through the same thing with Justin Timberlake, except five times as fast, four times as beat-you-over-the-head obviously, and with three times as much cloying dialogue. Plus, the movie as a whole doesn't gel; there are three main threads that seem like they just happen to be in the same movie. There are episodes of South Park with better-thought-out story arcs than this.

And here's another thing: Fiona bands together with a bunch of fairytale princesses, and they, like, go and fight; girl power, woo hoo. But if the film cares about girl power, why does the throne get left to either Shrek or Justin Timberlake? I guess Far Far Away has Salic Law, because (hello!) Fiona is the king's own daughter. Stupid sexist movie, assuming the throne ought to go to Shrek instead.

In conclusion--wait for it to come out on DVD. And don't be in a huge rush to rent it, even then.

Click here to read more . . .