Things That Instantly Fill Me with Blinding Rage

When publishers print The Chronicles of Narnia in "chronological" order instead of the order in which they were written

The movie Lost in Translation

Every song by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap

And, less frivolously:

Holocaust denial

Any slogan that says that God hates gay people. Click here to read more . . .

Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight On . . .

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging with due diligence lately--I've been having to write things that I'm getting graded on.

I would feel bad if I didn't do a Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight again this week, though, so I'll just do one that's extremely obvious, straightforward, and self-explanatory:

Yakko Warner!

What? Animaniacs was a funny show, and he was the funniest one. Besides Pinky and the Brain, of course, but that goes without saying. And tinyness of Pinky and the Brain, not to mention the--let's call it Bert-and-Ernie-esque--vibe in later episodes makes them much less boyfriendable.

There. Simple.

Ooh, also! Remember that song he sang about every country in the world? That was awesome.

Click here to read more . . .

Check This Out

(I know this is hard to see, so it's here if you really care.)

I would like to draw your attention to a few things here. Firstly, that with Billy's pending pay raise to $2 million a year, he'll be getting about as much money as Fran, which is good for two reasons: 1. Fran sucks and Billy does not and 2. this will prove to Billy that A&M can love more than one sport. Yes, basketball will never be king like it as at, for instance, Kentucky, but also, as long as he's here, football will never be the only thing we can about.

The second thing about this neato graphic is--how hilarious is their picture selection?

Thirdly, I hope you can tell by the bars how little Bobby Knight is paid. (Relatively, of course.) I don't know whether to be more boggled by the fact that he's the fifth-highest paid coach in the Big XII (at $800,000) when he is BY FAR the biggest name, or by the fact that he's paid half as much as Tech's football coach ($1.6 million)! How in the world was Texas Tech ever able to hire Bobby Knight in the first place? (I know he probably gets much more than this what with his O'Reilly Autoparts endorsement deal, but still.)

And fourthly, Baylor's football coach gets paid over a million dollars a year? . . . Why? I know that's a cheap shot. But oh well.

Fifthly, no wonder Bob Stoops is the highest-paid state employee in Oklahoma at 3.5 million dollars a year. I mean, look at that maroon bar. It's huge!

Click here to read more . . .

I Think I Want a Sewing Machine

It's finally nice in Madison. The nice weather and a random desire to look just a little cuter than usual made me really wish I had a jean skirt to wear tomorrow. I only occasionally feel like wearing a skirt, so the only ones I own are all churchy. So no jean skirt. I therefore decided to make one.
I took a pair of jeans and cut 'em up, and began sewing them back together in an alternate configuration. If I had a sewing machine (or if I had decided to take up this whim before 10 o'clock), I bet I could have finished it.
Also, I would like to take up sewing someday, mostly because of all the cool stuff they sell in fabric stores. I mean, have you ever looked at how many types of buttons your run-of-the-mill fabric store has? Or how many colors of thread? I hate to think that someday those places and products will become extinct, but really--how many people a day in the whole country can you imagine saying, "Well, I better run down and get some multi-colored flourscent ladybug buttons and some medium-pale chartreuse thread!" But I want there to be a bunch of those people. And if I have to be one to make that happen, so be it. Click here to read more . . .

Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight NOT On . . .

Since I forgot to do a Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight on Thursday, there will be no traditional Ridiculous Boyfriend this week (since it doesn't seem quite right to have a Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight on a Friday). Instead, I'm presenting some guys who the Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight is not, or to be more specific, no longer on.

(I could do a Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight NOT On featuring guys I vehemently dislike, but who wants to gaze at pictures of old fat Republican dudes or crack addicts or Greg Oden or something?)

Anyway, these are guys that I originally intended to feature on Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight, but have since FIRED.


FIRED: Tom Brady


Well, according to the Google News search I just did, Tom Brady is only the father of one pending love child, disagreeing with the reports I'd heard bandied about that each of two hot sort-of-famous chicks was carrying his love child. And you know what they say about love children ("One love child is better than two" [or maybe I made that up, just now]), but still. Tom Brady was more desirable as an All American Boy than he is as America's Baby Daddy In Chief, is what I'm saying. I know that in this day and age, single parenthood is not an earth-shattering deal, and certainly I don't agree with there being any social stigma for said love child (a la the AWESOME Diana Ross and the Supremes song "Love Child" [never meant to be! Love Child! Born in poverty! Love Child! Always second-best! Love Child! Different from the re-e-est!]), but it's still seamy to have gotten with child a woman who isn't even your girlfriend anymore.

And Tom Brady


is too pretty


to be seamy.


But alas . . . seamy he is, and that's why the Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight is NOT on him.



FIRED: Dr. George O'Malley


This is not a gay thing, in case you're wondering. First of all, I have no problem with having gay ridiculous boyfriends and second of all, the actor T.R. Knight was never a boyfriend candidate, the character George O'Malley was. Because he was cute! And sweet! And loveable and kind and funny and nice and a decent, stand-up guy.

But then he got all annoying and whiny.

And then he got all petty and mean-spirited.

And then whoever is running Grey's Anatomy decided it needed to become a caricature of itself and had him get drunk and sleep with his best friend (with whom he's never even had any chemistry) and oh did I mention? He's married. You know what's seamier than fathering a love child? Adultery. You know what's not loveable, kind, funny, nice or decent? Oh! That's right! It's adultery.

Not only is George FIRED, FOREVER as a boyfriend, Grey's Anatomy is dangerously close to getting abandoned by (at least) one of its viewers. That's right, Grey's Anatomy. If you don't shape up, I am going to break up with you. That's not a threat, it's a promise.

Edited to add: There's one thing I don't think I made clear. Sometimes it's OK when a show makes you angry. That means, at least, that you're engaged in it. But the George and Izzie sex thing? Just makes me annoyed. When you just keep having random characters fall into bed with each other as a substitute for plot development, it's not shocking; it's boring. It's nonsense and it's boring. Stop it, Grey's Anatomy. For real. Click here to read more . . .

Accomplishment!

So far today, I have:

1. Read some Alexis de Tocqueville

2. Signed up to play on a softball team

3. Gotten semi-lost in some semi-woods

4. Seen a hawk (in the semi-woods)

5. Walked on a trail around the still fairly frozen lake

6. Bought a sweet book about Edward VI (my second-favorite Tudor!) for $3

Click here to read more . . .

An Egregious Oversight

I realized at about 1 o'clock last night/this morning that I had forgotten, for the first time since the foundation of this blog, to post a Ridiculous Boyfriend Spotlight on a Thursday. In my defense, I had a lot on my plate last night (what with my team of boyfriends running out of time--no, really; thanks, REFS--in the Sweet Sixteen, and then my needing to mindlessly watch TV for a couple hours as a mental anesthetic).

I'll make up for this soon, I promise. Click here to read more . . .