Tabloid Fun

I was at the grocery store this evening, in a slow-moving line, and I pondered some things about the tabloids.

1. Usually, tabloid artists can come up with some pretty awful photos of celebrities, for which they can make up terrible headlines. Anything with pregnancies or incredible weight-gains, for example, is pretty easy to come up with. Also, one of the magazines alleged that Goldie Hawn's face is falling apart and you know what? It totally looked like it is. Bad face day for Goldie.

However, the current National Enquirer says that docs have spilled the beans about Katie Holmes' plastic surgery. They back this up with two photos of Katie Holmes looking exactly the same, except for some hair dye and lipstick.

OK, I know this is a terrible picture, but it's the best I could do. You're going to have to believe me. Exactly the same.

I really . . . I expected more from you, National Enquirer. I really did.

2. What really never ceases to amaze me is how magazines put scandalous break-up stories on their covers . . . about W and Laura. I was informed by one of them that the First Couple is SEPARATING! C'mon. Traditonally raised, meek and mild Laura W. Bush (as I like to think of her), separating from or, some weeks, blowing up at/leaving/throwing food at her sitting president husband?

I miss Bill, too, you guys, but no amount of wishing and hoping for presidential romantic scandal is going to make it happen.

3. The Globe has got the right idea--just keep getting mileage out of Bill!

On the other hand--Brad and Angelina are moving in together? How could that possibly not have already happened? Is the order of celebrity relationship milestones now 1) be seen in public together 2)adopt your partner's children 3)decide you're officially "going steady" 4)shack up ?

I mean, I've learn to expect that the rich and famous (who are, after all, basically trailer trash with money [see: Spears, Britney])

will have babies together without intending any real commitment toward each other. But . . . adoption? That's pretty much . . . impossible to do by accident.