Stuck in My Head

I've had a song in my head all day, which has been more annoying than usual because it's an unusually annoying and terrible song. It's "Bobby's Girl," an Oldies radio staple, which I dislike not so much for the mediocre music as for the lyrics, which are embarrassing for all womankind.

Let's break this down.

It starts with a chorus of glum-sounding dudes singing:

(You're not a kid anymore)
(You're not a kid anymore)

Then the young lady singer chimes in:

When people ask of me
What would you like to be
Now that you're not a kid anymore
(You're not a kid anymore)

I know just what to say
I answer right away
There's just one thing
I've been wishing for...

So, what do you want to be when you grow up, young lady? An astronaut? A nurse? No, that's silly.

I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl
That's the most important thing to me...

And if I was Bobby's girl
If I was Bobby's girl
What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be

Then it turns from the sad-even-for-1962 into just creepy:

Each night I sit at home
Hoping that he will phone
But I know Bobby has someone else
(You're not a kid anymore)

Still in my heart I pray
There soon will come the day
When I will have him all to myself...

Really? He's already got a girlfriend? Can't you just imagine singer-girl going up to her (let's call her Cindy) and being like, "Oh Cindy, by the way, my life's one and only, consuming ambition is date your boyfriend." This statement would surely be followed up by maniacal laughter and Cindy telling her dad to make sure to lock the doors at night.

And then the point about her only reason for existence is driven home a little more:

I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl
That's the most important thing to me...

And if I was Bobby's girl
If I was Bobby's girl
What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be
What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be

I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl

Oh man. It's just so much worse than the similarly-themed "Johnny Angel" (which is still a little sad, but far more reasonable) and, I submit, more sexist and self-loathing than even "Judy's Turn to Cry" (the sequel to "It's My Party," in which the protagonist is THRILLED that the scumbag who dumped her on her birthday takes her back. Side note: the video I linked to on "Judy's Turn to Cry" is FANtastic).

Rant over.