Keeping Up With My Correspondence, All-Campus Edition

Dear guy on Library Mall who was handing out student government election flyers,

No, thanks; I'm a grad student.

And by "I'm a grad student" I do not mean "Please tailor your message to me as a grad student and explain why this election is 'important' to grad students as well as undergrads." I mean, "I spent four years at a different university caring about student government and that absorbed my entire capacity to care about student government forever. In perpetuity. For the entire duration of eternity."

Thanks and gig 'em,
Rachel

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Dear librarian who was wearing a t-shirt,

Dude, did they invent Casual Monday while I wasn't looking?

Insincerely,
Rachel

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Dear guy who sat behind me in the library,

Quick question: are you an assassin sent to murder me by the most subtle and undetectable means possible? Because your constant, weird, half-sniffing, half-throat-clearing thing almost killed me.

Just wondering,
Rachel